Regrets are a part of life, yes? If i could go back in time, these would be the regrets i’d like to change.
Dating Someone at the age of 12. What the heck was I thinking? It was a horrible decision, not only was it a failure, ha, i dont even know if you can even call it a relationship, there was nothing. Just shy kids trying something out that had a 100% fail rate. Thinking through it, it was such a stupid move. Reflecting on it, ive come to realize, why would you date so young? even in high school, what are you reasons? Dating has two results, marriage or break up. So dating at an age like that… are you planning on getting married? if not, then you’re just setting up a time bomb that’ll break two hearts at once. And after going through it, there were more regrets that came like a chain reaction. I personally just dont see the point if you dont think/plan on making it last. But it doesnt really matter now cause my love life is currently on hold.
As Christians, i think we can just put our trust and faith in Him to know that he'll provide the perfect spouse in our life, or to not provide one. Maybe we're meant to be single for our life, whats important is that we are adoring and glorifying God in our actions, words, AND our relationships. I think its also important to think about what you're looking for in your partner. I think that the love for Christ is extremely important. I heard from a marriage thing once, if you draw a triangle, God is at the top, and Husband and Wife are on the bottom. If you are both working towards God individually and or together, you two will also get closer to each other.
Family. I’ve been thinking about this a LOT lately, especially since i feel like God is calling me towards family this year. Im kinda ashamed about this. Im sure you’ve read before that my relationship with them arent the best. I see EVERYONE and they have the greatest families, oh so knit and tight, and im thinking my own, about everything, from how we communicate to how we interact, i regret not spending and investing time in them. I wasted 17 years not building up my relationship with them. And sometimes i think to myself, its a lost cause. I cant get it back, its done, next year im leaving for university, and then for 4 years i’ll be gone, and then wow, i’ll be 21 and who knows what’ll happen then. I look at myself and my family, and im in shock, what have i done, i cant believe i failed myself and my family. Its probably one of my bigger struggles right now, and i just dont know what to do about it. Like the other night, we were “discussing” for an hour or so because we were trying to resolve a conflict, and by the end of it all, i think to myself, we still dont fully understand each, it seems like it, but we’re totally on different channels. It may be the culture/generation difference, but i dont know. i just dont know what to do next. It just seems impossible to revive.
This is hard to work with everyday. Family is extremely important. Like it says in the bible, obey your parents, for this pleases the Lord. Sometimes i question God why i was placed in this family, why do i have this mom, this dad, and this brother? What are you trying to tell me? I personally dont think we really mesh at all... but thats how it is and that was apart of God's plan. Can i ask that you pray for me about this, i really dont know what to do, i have 9 more months with them before i leave, and then who knows what'll happen after that.
Letting Go. If you read the last post on the blobfish site, you wouldve read about this one friend i have. I’ve been trying to build a strong friendship with them for the past 6-7 years. Its been a long time, and i wouldnt give up. I’d be constantly praying for it to work out, but i’ve always felt like it was a one way thing. I feel like im working so hard at it, and they just decide to be inactive and just non-responsive. Its frustrating but i just kept hacking away at it. This friend is also so unpredictable, sometimes they’re a happy as a bird and just yay-oh-the-world-is-great with you and the next thing you know it, they’re just out of it, and just.. like a rock sitting at the bottom of the ocean. But finally, after 7 years (i know right!) i’ve finally learnt to let go and move on. I told myself that ive done my part, and its just their turn, im waiting for them to take the initiative. I dont know if they’ve realized what i’ve done, but even though im letting go, i just want them to know one thing. The past few years was “lets be best friends and get through everything together! yay!” but now its “yah know what, do what you like, but even though im giving up, doesnt mean i wont be there for you.”
Trusting in God. im learning to do this everyday. I remember during those 7 years, i would trust and constantly be praying for opportunities for the friendship to grow stronger, i was literally praying everyday for years. Wild eh. Even now, that i've moved on, im still praying that they'll remember that im here, and that even though we'll go our separate paths, that it wont affect our friendship or either of our walks with God. Im praying for my friend constantly, and i wish the best for them.
Going through the post again, i wonder why God gave these to me, am i to learn something from this? And what would it be? What is he trying to tell me? Whats the bigger picture? Trusting in God, Let Go[d].
No comments:
Post a Comment