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For today's devotion, I was distressed. I did something totally stupid and I keep slapping myself mentally over and over again for it. Let me explain:
1) After chilling with my friends at Fairview, I drove them to the YMCA they were breaking at. The thing with the YMCA is that there are these black and yellow bar, the one that raise up and down and allow cars to pass. I thought since it was open, one of the exit ones would be open too. As I dropped them off, I realized I couldn't get out. Once the car in front of me swiped their card and the gate opened, I sped off, hoping to make it.
I didn't.
The bar came down right on my car and I felt like crying. This lady saw my predicament and came and swiped her card for me. Despite the fact I was saved, I was beeped at and cursed at. I felt horrible. I felt stupid. I felt like I disappointed God and disappointed my parents. What would make me think I could make that?! The bar fell down on me and what if they saw the security camera and came after me? I don't know, but what I do know is that I would never do that again.
2) As I was on the highway, I needed to exit and quickly signaled for a while. I saw an opening in the lane and checked the back. The car behind was slightly far so I decided to go for it. Once I did, they beeped at me and I felt really bad. I guess they didn't think I had enough space and I probably made them break really quickly.
3) Due to everything, I was already in a bad mood. I turned to back into the garage and thought about yesterday, when I had so much space between me and my sister's car. So I decided to go in even more, but instead, I "crashed" into my sister's. Bumper to bumper.
After everything, I checked the car and since it was raining, I couldn't tell if I damaged the car or not. I felt so distressed, stupid, and just...I honestly felt like screaming, "WHY WOULD I DO THAT?! WHY GOD, WOULD YOU ALLOW SOMETHING LIKE THIS TO HAPPEN?! WHY? WHY? WHY?!" I felt like screaming. I felt so utterly stupid.
"One thing I ask of the Lord, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple." [Psalm 27:4]
I read this passage and realized, despite how stupid and stupid and stupid I thought I was, and this whole situation was, the only thing on my mind should be God. In the end, this day belongs to God, and everything, despite everything, he still cares. I need to seek God in everything. Even in this predicament. To be honest, I'm scared that they'll hunt me down and say I have to pay for damages, when I know for sure none was made. I'm scared they'll come to my house, or track me down, saying I'm charged with something. But God cares for me, and that should be enough. I don't need to think about how horrible my day was, how many times I screwed up, because God loves me the same.
Today, tomorrow and yesterday. He still loves me no matter how many times I screwed up and how I feel like I'm a nuisance to the world. God loves and cares for me. He does. He does. He does.
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If God cares for sparrows, He surely cares for us.
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