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There's only one grade 12 chemistry teacher in our school and I've heard many stories about him. Currently, he's my teacher, and I knew that after the first test, my mark would plummet. His tests are notorious for dropping students marks up to 30% so I was obviously scared. Before the test, we had about four quizzes, and I did exceptionally well, getting a 95. But then again, the class average was about a high 80. I studied for hours for the test, trying my best and came out, thinking I did pretty well. The last question was a 16 mark application question, our only one, so it was worth about 20%. I thought I did amazing, even getting it correct! But my heart dropped when I saw my mark; I went from a 95 to a 69, and failed the application question. I didn't even pass my test. I was devastated. I was so upset, thinking, "Why God, why?! You know I need this for university, and this probably is the mark going on my midterm. You know I need this, so why? I studied, and I tried my best, but it's never enough." To make matters worse, the two males that sit around me, getting a 89 and 83, were complaining about how low their mark was. I was so upset, I wanted to cry. I lost all my motivation to do well in chemistry, but the fact is, I need it in every program I applied to in university, so obviously I can't drop it.
In night school, I'm on the verge of being kicked out. Three absences and I will be removed from the program. Late April, I will be representing Ontario at the International Careers Development Conference in Salt Lake City, Utah for DECA. And I'll be missing three classes of night school. I might not get my credit, or meet the university requirement for my program. I'm still waiting for my acceptance, but at the moment, the future seems dim to me. Haha, I honestly felt like crap after these past few days.
"Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour." [1 Peter 5:8]
I told one of my brothers in university who really cares for me. He told me he's been worried about me a lot lately, and that even God was spoiling me with the love he's shown for me. After I told him everything, chemistry and a lot of other things, he said lately he's been struggling with God. That every time he receives a text from me, his heart drops, and he yells at God asking, "Why would you put her through this? March, the crappiest month for her just passed, and you're putting her through this already?" Honestly, I lost all motivation for school and it just sucks.
But this devotion reminded me that no matter what, I need to be alert. The devil is always near, whispering lies and telling me distorted truths to make me not trust God. I know lately, I haven't. I've been so upset and just disoriented, that I haven't really lifted anything to God. Despite the fact that I don't even have the requirements for university, God is telling me to trust him, but with these bricks just piling on, it's so hard. It's honestly so hard.
"Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings. And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast." [1 Peter 5:9-10]
I need to remember that even though it seems tough right now, God will ultimately make his plan known later. Even though I'm suffering, I need to remember there are people out there who have it worse than me. I know God, but they don't; that's the difference between us. I need to take everything, and like my motto, rejoice always no matter how dire the situation may be. To be honest, I'm scared for university; I'm scared I'm not going to get in and go to Waterloo, where I feel God is calling me. But I need to trust in him no matter what.Even though right now it's really hard, I need to be firm in my faith and ensure the devil's lies won't affect me anymore.
"Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." [1 Peter 5:7]
And he does. He honestly does. I have so many brothers and sisters encouraging me, it's crazy. In the future, I will be glad he's putting me through this. Every struggle is a gift from God, and I need to remember that.
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The first step on the way to victory is to recognize the enemy.
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