more tears?

who would've thought there'd be more tears to come today.

Today we had a first small drama practice with a group of friends for ACUPE night, our annual coffeeshop-like event, they decided to remake the chisel video (above) by the skit guys and i was re-watching it beforehand and something just hit me. I had to go upstairs and because i couldn't hold it. Im not sure what it was, but something was tugging at me.

Listening to it carefully, it was exactly what i needed to hear. It was exactly what I was needed to be reminded of.

I am God's original masterpiece. That was the catchline of the video.

I always think lowly of myself, i don't think I'm worthy of anything, i don't think I'm good enough for anything or anyone, i can beat myself down to pulp, but with others, I'm able to encourage, and praise them, but with myself, its the complete opposite. I never have faith in my work, i need so much reassurance, its horrible. Sometimes i think that i've failed at life. To the point where there's no turning back, that i've ruined it.

Junk. I think I'm junk.

In the video, "God" says "you've listened to so many voices for far too long that aren't of me. You think you are junk don't you? You really, really, really, really think you are junk. Listen to me. I don't make junk. What does that say about me."

God doesn't make junk. Thats insulting to him.

I also constantly compare myself to others, and that was something that was needed to be chiseled off. Im always thinking of how people are so great and how I'm not, what they have and what i don't, what I'm missing.

God doesn't make copies.

I can feel all the weight on me. All the dirty nasty things that need to be chiseled off. God needs to come in and do that, but will i let him take over and do i have the faith to let him do what he needs to do? I say yes, but i think there are parts of me that are still resisting.

I am God's original masterpiece.

I am God's original masterpiece. 

I am God's original masterpiece.

And so are you.

¹³ For you created my inmost being;    you knit me together in my mother’s womb. ¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;    your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

Psalm 139:13-14 

Commitment.

I'm currently on 4 sports teams at school. It takes a lot of commitment to do all these things. Staying late after school just to train, waking up early to train, and eating healthy to stay fit. I sometimes feel like I've been too committed with these sports and I'm not committed to live a Godly life.

It's hard to stay focused when other things are in the way. Tournaments, practices, and competition. Sometimes i get caught up in the hype of another tournament i feel like i just try to rely on myself. I know that i can't do it all by myself and God is the one who created me to have the ability to do this. If I'm able to stay committed to these sports then I'm able to be committed to God.

Staying committed to one thing is hard. So always start with one thing.

competition?

³⁷ Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.³⁸ And whoever does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me.

matthew 10:37-38

Whoever loves their OWN FATHER and MOTHER MORE than Christ is not worthy of God. One may ask, why is God so mean, that we cant even love our parents? And it goes on to say even our sons and daughters?

Reading my devotionals today, it put this verse into a different perspective. The overall lesson was competition and priorities. Within your heart, you only have one spot. One reigning spot that rules all. As Christians, Christ should be in that spot. But sin is very tempting sometimes. And there are other things that may fill up that hole. May it be a relationship, or a sexual desire, pride, materialism, or greed, something will fill the hole.

What's in your heart? Is there something competing with Christ for that? I love the last verse, whoever does not take up the cross cannot follow me. We've stated before, being a Christian is hard. Its a commitment. Its like marriage. Life long (but this relationship with God is longer than that). You have to be +100% dedicated to him. Nothing should be competing with Him. He is the creator, he is the king of kings, how is it that the latest apple gadget or yourself can beat that? The one that loves you, gave up His son for you? Why is this even a fight? He should be way up the scale. I dont know my answer either. I dont think i've fully realized the degree of love, and sacrifice the gospel is yet. It hasnt fully hit me yet.

There should be NO competition between Christ and the things of this world. He lasts, worldly things fade.