tears.

We all have those days where we're sad, we're disappointed, its an off day, something has happened, and tears may fall. I feel like i've been on this crazy rollarcoaster recently, filled with times of over thinking and worrying, steep climbs that sometimes lead to nothing, and fearing the truth.

I've thought about it lately, and it just feels like i don't have that sense of belonging yet. I feel like an alien sometimes, as if I'm from another planet or something. Something doesn't feel right. It might be my fault for not having a close core group of friends, or maybe its just that no one finds interest in me? I've talked to others about it, and they've all said to be myself and to have a bit more confidence in myself. And I'm trying so hard. Be myself. If you like it, cool, if you don't, then thats cool too.

I just don't know how to handle it. Maybe I'm just expecting too much? I honestly don't know what the problem is.

Tears. Okay, im not crying, but i know that we're all going through something, whether it be the stress from school and university, or problems with parents, no one is living the perfect life.

God sees these tears. Whether they may be the ones falling down your cheek, or the ones from the heart. He has gone through all this, and he knows exactly how it feels.

Yes, maybe i don't feel like i fit, maybe I'm just the odd piece in the puzzle, and maybe this isn't where I'm supposed to be. But I honestly love those around me. They are great people to be around, and i love their company. Can they say the same? That i'll never know. I said that I'm scared of knowing the truth. What people truly think about me. I try to think of others instead of myself, if they don't like me, theres not need to hide it, just say it. But i don't know.

Is it just me? I don't know. But what i've learnt this weekend is what's pushing me through. Knowing that God understands, he knows, and he cares should be and is enough for me. Life is worth the living just because He lives. JUST BECAUSE.

This stuff is always crossing my mind. I just had to get it out.

Verse of the day says the rejoice always. Good reminder in this time. I'll keep trying. I don't know what God is trying to teach me here, but I'm willing to listen and learn. Praying he'll speak to me.

⁴ Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! ⁵ Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. ⁶ Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ⁷And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:4-7

Road to Calvary (IV)

Jesus was betrayed, arrested, and was lead to crucifixion. After Peter's denial, he is brought to Pilate, as he's questioned, but as the Son of God, he did not deny, and told the truth that no one believed. That he was the Son of God. Pilate looked through his records, and it was true, he hasn't committed any crime and did no deserve any form of punishment since our God is pure and sinless. He asked the crowd what they wanted, between Jesus and Barabbus (who was a robber), yet the crowd still wanted to bring down Christ. So Pilate gave in and gave them what they wanted (John 18:28-40).

¹ Then Pilate took Jesus and had him flogged. ² The soldiers twisted together a crown of thorns and put it on his head. They clothed him in a purple robe ³ and went up to him again and again, saying, “Hail, king of the Jews!” And they slapped him in the face.

⁴ Once more Pilate came out and said to the Jews gathered there, “Look, I am bringing him out to you to let you know that I find no basis for a charge against him.” ⁵ When Jesus came out wearing the crown of thorns and the purple robe, Pilate said to them, “Here is the man!”

⁶ As soon as the chief priests and their officials saw him, they shouted, “Crucify! Crucify!”

But Pilate answered, “You take him and crucify him. As for me, I find no basis for a charge against him.”

⁷ The Jewish leaders insisted, “We have a law, and according to that law he must die, because he claimed to be the Son of God.”

⁸ When Pilate heard this, he was even more afraid, ⁹ and he went back inside the palace. “Where do you come from?” he asked Jesus, but Jesus gave him no answer. ¹⁰“Do you refuse to speak to me?” Pilate said. “Don’t you realize I have power either to free you or to crucify you?”

¹¹ Jesus answered, “You would have no power over me if it were not given to you from above. Therefore the one who handed me over to you is guilty of a greater sin.”

¹² From then on, Pilate tried to set Jesus free, but the Jewish leaders kept shouting, “If you let this man go, you are no friend of Caesar. Anyone who claims to be a king opposes Caesar.”

¹³ When Pilate heard this, he brought Jesus out and sat down on the judge’s seat at a place known as the Stone Pavement (which in Aramaic is Gabbatha). ¹⁴ It was the day of Preparation of the Passover; it was about noon.

“Here is your king,” Pilate said to the Jews.

¹⁵ But they shouted, “Take him away! Take him away! Crucify him!”

“Shall I crucify your king?” Pilate asked.

“We have no king but Caesar,” the chief priests answered.

¹⁶ Finally Pilate handed him over to them to be crucified.

John 19:1-16

Just as described, Jesus was ridiculed. He was spat on, he was made fun of, and insulted, with a crown of thorns and the purple robe (v. 1-3).

After the bit at the end of John 18, we see Pilate's growth here. He brings Jesus back out to the crowd, saying that he has found NO guilt in him, that he shouldn't be crucified. He's defending Christ! (v.4). Yet the people continue to order for Christ to be crucified. Have you ever thought, "wow if only i was born in that time, i would be able to see this great amazing God", but if you really think about it, what if you were one of thousands that were ordering Christ to be crucified. Can you imagine being in that moment, whether you were apart of the crowd or were against it. Seeing our Saviour beaten, torn, battered. The pain he must go through for us, out of love and grace.

Pilate goes crazy. He drags God back and tells him that he has to power to free him, but this one line that Jesus said was extremely powerful. “You would have no power over me if it were not given to you from above. Therefore the one who handed me over to you is guilty of a greater sin.” (v.11). Christ acknowledged what Pilate was trying to do, but it also shows God's power. He knows that no matter what anyone may try to do, God's plan will rule and will reign. It was Christ's purpose to be the final sacrifice for us, and His will shall be done. Pilate continues to try and save Christ, and the crowd says that if you release him, you are not a friend of Caesar's.

I had no idea it was going to be like this, but every single post, i continue to see links between the characters as well as us everyday. Judas represented the sinner in us, we will betray and fall short of God's glory. We may also be like Peter, two faced, denying Christ for our own benefit, out of pride or for our reputation. And once again, we can relate to Pilate. The crowd continues to shout at Pilate, and its exactly like the world today. Casear is the "king of The World" and the people are the people OF the World. And we are constantly being told what to do by the media, what standards we should have, how we should live, and it is up to us whether to decide to follow and give in or stand against. Although in the end Pilate gave in and followed the orders of the people, he still had a spark in him that wanted to do the good.

Like I mentioned earlier, that God's plan is so much more perfect and so much more powerful. Although Pilate did want to save Jesus from his death, but I feel like its possible that God made sure that Pilate wouldn't stand against. That he would eventually give in, and bring Jesus to his death because the plan will and must be carried out.

Where do you stand? As Easter weekend starts, instead of thinking about the chocolate you'll get, and maybe a visit from the Easter bunny, take some time to reflect on the pain and the journey Christ went through on his final days on earth. He lived out the truth. He fought for the truth. He was arrested for the truth. He died for the truth. He stood by the truth. He was the truth.

Jesus Christ is the greatest example we should live by that has ever walked on this earth. May he be glorified today and forevermore.

10 In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins.

1 John 4:10

Truth.

Interesting how the previous post was also on truth, but today, i've decided to take on a different aspect of truth.

Throughout my life, it has only been recently that i've met people (like 2-3) that have truly been a friend to me and have stuck by me, and i've come to realize one important thing that i look for in a friend, or for that friend to be someone i can trust, share and be transparent with. This trait is being non-judgemental, and understanding. That no matter what i may say, no matter who i may be, what struggles i go through, they will not judge, and they will learn to understand and accept who i am, and what baggage i come with. There are certain friends that may joke around, and give you attitude, faces, or reactions when something may be revealed, and whether or not it is intended as a joke or not, it hurts.

I've also learnt that something extremely hard in any relationship is "speaking in truth and speaking in love". When you confront someone about something their doing, it is EXTREMELY difficult to do that without risking the break in a relationship. How exactly do you do that? How can you tell someone their doing some wrong without hurting their feelings or without discouraging them, or making it feel like you've gone against their back? I've learnt that the first step is the relationship itself. You have to build that friendship first, to gain trust, to get to know each other better, and then when you don confront your friend, they will know that you're doing it out of love. With this, i still find it really hard to confront others, without sounding like im against them.

Sometimes people come to me and speak the truth to me, and to be honest, lately, it hurts, a LOT. Although i know its to be constructive, and as a confrontation, but i've learnt that the truth really hurts sometimes. I think we all do take it personally sometimes, but we have to constantly be reminding ourselves that its them speaking out of love for us. The past week i've learnt that truth hurts, but i need to be constantly reminding myself that its for the good, and i truly appreciate the honesty. It means a LOT for someone to be able to say something like that, and it means a lot, but it just hurts.

Im not sure where im going with this post, but i will refer to this one verse, Proverbs 27:17,

Iron sharpens iron,

and one man sharpens another.

Although the truth might hurt, but friends are there to SHARPEN YOU. Sharpening isnt a nice smooth easy process, it hurts, but it makes you sharper, and stronger.

verse of the day: Ephesians 4:15

¹⁵ Rather,speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who isthe head, into Christ,

Truth?

14 “Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me.² In my Father's house are many rooms. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you? ³ And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, that where I am you may be also. ⁴ And you know the way to where I am going.” ⁵ Thomas said to him, “Lord, we do not know where you are going. How can we know the way?” ⁶ Jesus said to him, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. ⁷ If you had known me, you would have known my Father also. From now on you do know him andhave seen him.”

⁸ Philip said to him, “Lord, show us the Father, and it is enough for us.”⁹Jesus said to him, “Have I been with you so long, and you still do not know me, Philip? Whoever has seen me has seen the Father. How can you say, ‘Show us the Father’? ¹⁰ Do you not believe that I am in the Father and the Father is in me? The words that I say to you I do not speak on my own authority, but the Father who dwells in me does his works. ¹¹ Believe me that I am in the Father and the Father is in me, or else believe on account of the works themselves.

¹² “Truly, truly, I say to you, whoever believes in me will also do the works that I do; and greater works than these will he do, because I am going to the Father. ¹³ Whatever you ask in my name, this I will do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. ¹⁴ If you ask me anything in my name, I will do it.

John 14:1-14

I was able to read through this passage several times throughout the day, and i think thats extremely necessary when we are trying to understand scripture, to fully break it down and understand each word and phrase. I also think that if one has a open heart and mind to receiving the word, it will speak and be understood different each time.

When I read verses 5-6, it immediately brought me back to a discussion we had at retreat, when someone brought up the question, "how do we know Christianity is the true faith?" I confess and admit that i've had my doubts, and im sure we all have. We may question, what if this isnt the "right" way, what if after we pass, there was no heaven, it was all a trick, what if the pastors knew about something and were just tricking us all along? How can i be sure that Christianity is what i should believe in? And as we were discussing, these are a few points that came up. Firstly, i've learnt that out of all the different religions, from Buddhism to Hinduism, that Christianity seems to be the only INVITING others to come see what this "relationship" is about. We also brought up a second point, that was that Christianity is not self-oriented. Many other religions are based on doing deeds/goods to gain blessings or goodness. Whereas in Christianity, Christ has already died for you, and he presents each and every one of us with the gift of eternal life, and it is only if we accept and take the gift, is then that we become saved. And therefore like in verse 12, we do these good works not to gain salvation or approval, but out of thanksgiving, out of commitment, as we follow Christ's footsteps.

side note: I myself am a Christian and believe that through Christ, believing that he died on the cross, and has forgiven me of my sins has saved me from the consequences of sins, and has granted me eternal life. Although i may say that Christianity is the "right" (lack of better word) way, it does not mean that all other religions are wrong, there are definitely things about other religions we can learn from and follow.

Verse 8 also stood out to me. Many many of us are like Philip, we are constantly looking for more. Again back to the retreat discussion, we talked about proof and facts. The world is all about facts, especially the science realm of things, we need proof we need evidence to believe that something is true, but this is faith, not science. There are so many crazy questions that we are curious about, for instance, how the dinosaurs fit into the whole seven days of creation, but over the years of being a Christian i've learnt that sometimes, its just not humanly possible for one to fully understand all this. We can go ask the father when we see him one day! Its hard to believe like that, blindly, but that is faith! Believing without seeing. Its impossible to have all the questions answered. I think this also goes for a test, that with these curiosities, these things that dont fully make sense, its another type of test of our faith. If we can continue to follow him, knowing that he is greater and has plans for us, even though many of our questions are not answered.

People are constantly afraid of change, of the unknown, but are you willing to dig deeper and follow Christ and let him take the reigns of your life?

verse of the day: Ephesians 2:8-10

⁸ Forby grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing;it is the gift of God, ⁹ not a result of works, so that no one may boast.¹⁰ For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.

Go Here.

Psalm 25:4-10

⁴ Show me your ways, LORD,
teach me your paths.
⁵ Guide me in your truth and teach me,
for you are God my Savior,
and my hope is in you all day long.
⁶ Remember, LORD, your great mercy and love,
for they are from of old.
⁷ Do not remember the sins of my youth
and my rebellious ways;
according to your love remember me,
for you, LORD, are good.

⁸ Good and upright is the LORD;
therefore he instructs sinners in his ways.
⁹ He guides the humble in what is right
and teaches them his way.
¹⁰ All the ways of the LORD are loving and faithful
toward those who keep the demands of his covenant.

God never fails to lead you in the path of righteousness. He's the way, the truth, and the light. We often stray away from God and no realize until afterwards. I, personally, have gone astray and i regret it. I didn't realize that i've gone so far and i was ashamed afterwards. Once i finished talking to my counselors i realized that God is a forgiving God and he loves us very much. He is our comforter and our shield. Our way to Heaven. He's always there no matter where you go.

nothing will...

³⁸ For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, ³⁹ neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

romans 8:38-39

Kelly presented us with this verse at retreat. Its amazingly powerful, looking back on it. That NOTHING on this earth, no power, no person. No creature, no creation, no angel or demon can take away God's love for us. He will forever love us, forever provide for us, and forever be our best friend. Its up to you whether to accept this love or not.

Talking to my friend just now, we talked about acceptance and the love from people. At fellowship, at church, at school, anywhere. The truth is, everyone may say "im here for you", or "im your best friend", but the truth is, we're all going to fail. we cannot satisfy. ONLY God's love will. Thats the greatest news. Dont rely so heavily on people. Unfortunately, they will eventually fail you.

The Coming of The Kingdom

The Coming of The Kingdom of God

²⁰ Once, on being asked by the Pharisees when the kingdom of God would come, Jesus replied, “The coming of the kingdom of God is not something that can be observed, ²¹ nor will people say, ‘Here it is,’ or ‘There it is,’ because the kingdom of God is in your midst.”

²² Then he said to his disciples, “The time is coming when you will long to see one of the days of the Son of Man, but you will not see it. ²³ People will tell you, ‘There he is!’ or ‘Here he is!’ Do not go running off after them. ²⁴ For the Son of Man in his day will be like the lightning, which flashes and lights up the sky from one end to the other.²⁵ But first he must suffer many things and be rejected by this generation.

luke 17:20-24

God works in mysterious ways. I think thats what this passage is going to say. It explicitly says in verses 20 and 21, that people wont be able to observe it, pick it out and determine when it comes, it can come within the next hour, or within the next century. No one will ever know when Christ decides to return again.

Something that caught my eye was the end of verse 21 "because the Kingdom of God is in your midst". That means that its right here with us. Im not fully sure what its talking about, does it mean the church, the fellowship, the Christian environment around us?

The scripture goes on in verse 23 to talk about those who deceive i believe. He says not to follow those who bluntly say "there is it". I guess this goes towards those saying that 2012 is the end of the world. There is no one that knows when the second coming is.

Verse 24 gives a bit of a hint i guess you can say. Flashes of lightning. Lightning is always unexpected, unpredictable, like our Father. "But first he must suffer and be rejected by this generation." Interesting eh? He MUST suffer and he MUST be rejected. I guess from this you can predict the times to come. Like it says in Matthew 10:22,

²² You will be hated by everyone because of me, but the one who stands firm to the end will be saved.

It'll also work the other way. People will reject Christ, and they will reject you also. The fact that the Christian walk is not easy is always coming up. Be ready for a time of turmoil, or pain, or rejection, loneliness. But again it says in the verse, "the one who stands firm to the end will be saved". Dont give up, dont give in, stand strong and fight against the world and the devil.

The Means of Grace

Going through the book "You Can Change" by Tim Chester that my pastor gave me, i came across this, "The Means of Grace" and i just wanted to share my thoughts.

This is basically another way of saying spiritual disciplines, how reinforce your faith. The author prefers "The Means of Grace" and here are the seven.

1. The Bible

- the bible reveals our hearts and Christ's glory

- through the bible we can see what Christ has done, his greatness and his power, his miracle and control.

- the bible is able to cut through you and expose your heart, uprooting the source of our sinful desires and thoughts.

- Psalm 119:11 talks about storing God's word in your heart, and with this power, this truth, we can fight against sin and not fall into Satan's traps.

- "Dont read Scripture everyday as a duty to tick off, but savour the truth of God that it reveals. Read it not to be INFORMED, but to be TRANSFORMED and CONFORMED to the likeness of Jesus."

The Bible is the TRUE TRUTH. I think i've said before, a quote there reading Christian books arent a replacement for the bible. With the Word, we know that each word is truth and is right and is God's voice. Indulge and really KNOW IT and it'll change you from the inside out.

2. Prayer

- we have to realize that God is the only one that can truly change us, and when we do, prayer will become more and more important and powerful in our lives

- "prayer will consume sin, or sin will choke prayer" - J.C. Ryle

- we need to learn to immediately look towards the Father in prayer when we are tempted

I think we're all lacking prayer, but that second point really hit me. Its one or the other. There is no inbetween. Dont fall away from God. Prayer is the only telephone line we have with him. Pray to Him, not only in times of need and suffering, but just anytime. May it be a prayer of thanksgiving, cry, or celebration. Pray with others, pray together. Prayer doesnt have to be get down on your knees and pray, it can be a simple thought and a word.

3. Community

- the church is to be a community of change, where there is support, love, and accountability. no judgement or put downs.

- remind each other, watch over each other, walk with each other, pray for each other, serve together, and learn from each other

Accountability is SO important, and that is what the church should be. We must all individually work hard to be good representatives of our Saviour, of Christ, reflecting his love, his mercy, his grace and his life. Support one another in all things and walk through life holding each other.

4. Worship

- "when we worship God, we're minding ourselves that God is bigger and better than anything sin offers."

- "we sing the truth so that it moves, inspires, stirs, encourages, and so transforms us."

- let God "retune" our hearts through worship

Remember that worship isnt only about singing during that sunday service, you can worship him through anything, and we should worship him through everything. Through speech, through actions, and through thoughts. Continue to keep Christ in mind and you will learn to embody and remember his glory, his greatness and his love.

5. Service

- Sin is fundamentally an orientation towards ourselves, therefore when we serve we learn to think of others' needs first.

Service is extremely important. It reminds us that its not about us, its about God and others. It also is a great opportunity to try new things and see what our gift is. There are many ways to service God. It doesn't have to be the forefront and in the spotlight, it can be simple, small, and hidden as well.

6. Suffering

- "often the events of our lives appear to be meaningless and irrelevant. But all the time God is training us in grace and godliness."

Suffering is always questioned, but know that its for a better good, and through it we learn to rely and trust in our Father who knows all, cares for all, and controls all. There is a greater, bigger and better plan ahead, push through it and dont lose faith!

7. Hope

- meditate on the future, eternal life

- remind yourselves that there is better yet to come, greater things that will happen and eternity of happiness that awaits

- "thinking of Christ's return loosens the hold that the world has on us and inspires us to change."

Salvation is a past, present and future thing. Focus on what is eternal, do not dwell on the earthly things, things that dont last and will fail, but think about whats to come, and the end, where a eternity of happiness, without tears, without pain, awaits us.