My World vs The World

"a very personal reflection"

Over the break, rotting away, i've gotten to chance to really think about what im going through. I feel like my life is a mess. Not in an obvious way though, but on the inside, a tornado has torn through and everything is everywhere. Doubt has flooded in and negativity radiates in my mind. Things still feel like they're up in the air, im not sure what to make of it, how much of it is true and how much of it is my mind playing tricks on me. Everything's just a big mess.

Thinking more each day, today i came to this conclusion. My World vs The World.

The World. By saying this, i mean the standards of this world. I guess more towards the academic/future world. Im not trying to boast or anything, just be clear of that. Personally, i havent felt stressed about the entire university thing. I feel very calm, prepared, and im ready for God to guide me wherever he desires. I've always wanted to follow him, but sometimes i can never tell where he wants me to be. The university dilemma, i've always thought, if you make it, you make it. If you dont make it, you dont. I feel like my marks are fine, and will get me where i want to go and i already have gotten offers. I think this is THE WORLD. The things "The World" worries about and cares about. And i feel like i've got that down.

My World. This is in reference to inside, my inner self. From social/physical/emotional side of things. You may or may not have noticed, but loneliness is one of the biggest things i struggle with i think one can say. There are so many things that im dealing with that i want to get rid of, and i want to discover the roots and really destroy it from there instead of the surface pains. From loneliness sprouted the missing sense of feeling good about myself, and about life, from that grew the urge to feel good, which blossomed into temporary satisfaction and sins. The chain continues, as doubt/guilt/anxiety fill in the gaping holes and to be honest im a bit scared of where this may/can lead to. Depression? Suicidal thoughts (but i dont think i have to guts to even attempt that)?

Solution? I honestly dont know. Thinking about all this stuff, from simple things, seeing people together and seeing myself alone, I've been thinking, what is worth living for? If the things of this world is going to fade and deteriorate, why are we still living? Whats the point of all this. Being able to vent out to someone is the best, and im happy i have a PINCH of these people. Talking to him reminded me of so many things. Living for God. He should be enough to live for. And although, yes that is the answer, but sadly i feel like my faith isnt strong enough to say that yet. I feel like many people see me as the mature spiritual one, but when i reflect on it, i dont think im anywhere near spiritual maturity.

So what is the answer? First off, another reminder from the same friend. We're in the midst of Teens Conference at the moment, and he talked to me about their bible study on Hosea. It talked about Hosea and Gomer (who was a prostitute). Throughout the entire passage, Gomer was constantly being unfaithful to Hosea, and long story short, Gomer represents us as Christians and Hosea represents Christ. We are CONSTANTLY going against Christ yet he is still committed to us, continues to love and forgive us. No matter who we are, what we do, God forever loves us. This boggles my mind that God is so willing to care for us and i've even thought, "why is he so stupid for not leaving me. i've done so many things to hurt him and he's just standing there just readying himself to get hurt again". But God is good. All the time.

So we got that down. God forever loves and forgives us when we are unfaithful. But now what? How will this rid of my loneliness, doubt, guilt, and pain? Again, we always point towards the Word. Are you indulging in it everyday? Are you truly spending time with our Saviour? And i confess and admit. No. Im not. And i need to be and should be. But I honestly can say, i dont have the motivation. Why? Im not sure. Why do i allow other things, tv shows, homework, scholarships, overpower and allow devotions and scripture reading to be pushed aside? I need a push. Still a weak Christian, i have lots to learn. I need to fully realize this and i need to put it into action.

Lastly (for now), accountability. I have this with a few people, my pastor who is also my mentor, a close friend or two are there to support me and get me through these rough times. I think i got this down. But if you're reading this and you're going through something, tell someone. A brother and sister in Christ who is spiritually mature and whom you can trust. Accountability is so important. I remember when i first started, i kept telling myself, i can do this with God. All things are possible with Christ right? That is true, but i MYSELF cannot overcome it and be victorious. That's why we are a church and are a family. We are there to support each other. That's why there is fellowship, that's why there is accountability and support, that's why God made other people, for support, love and encouragement. Find that person for you!

More solutions? Im unsure of at the moment. I'll stop here. My process is still going, im still thinking, still reflecting. But at this moment, i can say im at a lower point in life. Feeling lost, sad, alone, and in a blur.

verse of the day: Proverbs 3:5-8

⁵ Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
and do not lean on your own understanding.
⁶ In all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make straight your paths.
⁷ Be not wise in your own eyes;
fear the Lord, and turn away from evil.
⁸ It will be healing to your flesh
and refreshment to your bones.

In The Process: Lent

It has already been an official week of lent! We started on the 22nd of February, and here we are! There are a few things that i've noticed with lent, and today's devotional brought it up, so i decided to reflect on it. First of all, Lent is a 40 day period before easter, where you give up something for the Lord. It can be chocolate, it can be social networking, it can be coffee, anything that was apart of your life. It is so that you can use that time to reflect and spend more time with God.

For me personally, i've decided to give up twitter. Its my first time lenting, (since i always seem to forget and not know when it starts) and i've actually found it extremely effective, especially the first few days. It was difficult, to delete the app, take off the bookmark, delete the SMS twitter contact, and just stripping it away, and having it change literally overnight. But I remember clearly, i would go on the computer and cursor would automatically go to the spot where twitter was, but it was gone, and every single time i did that, i thought of God instead. Every time i wanted to tweet off my phone, i'd think of God. I'd remember the reason im doing this, and it kept him in my mind.

Like I said, Lent is a time where you give up something, so you have more time to think of God and reflect on his greatness, today's devo said,

Lent is a good time to go back to “the beginning of the good news,” recognizing that we are still capable of sin even though we believe in and follow Jesus. His Spirit is working in us, but (in this life) we are not yet made perfect. ~ Today's Devotional

Reflecting, that "we are still capable of sin even though we believe in and follow Jesus". The devo was about repentance, and im sure we all have sins we need to confess and turn away from. I know I for one do. Use this time of lent, instead of going on twitter, or getting that cup of coffee each day, to focus more on God, and how to be more like him.

I remember reading a tweet before lent started saying "the moment when God can send his son to die on cross, but we cant give up social networking". It just shows our priorities and how much we invest our time and effort into things.

Are you lenting? If so, how's it going? If not, is there something you can give up for lent?

Priorities.

With all of us in the midst of exams, i think we've all been caught up studying and studying and studying. I have to say that i have put God a bit behind, for instance, devos are things i'd leave off till later, and just everything spiritually seems to be falling apart. They're attached, but falling apart.

Like today, i've been studying since 3:30, till 10:30 (with breaks of course), but its just been study study study. Im happy and impressed that im so focused, but may we remember that we cant let it get the best of us. I think at the moment, its okay, since its just this time period, but if you're one of those people who are crazy about their marks and academics, or even more than that, if you're materialistic or prideful, take some time to reflect on your priorities, and see if its an idol. It gets bad when you put it ahead of God and ahead of things that really matter.

Learn to balance it out. Yes, studies are important, but dont let them over take what should be and is more important.

Hello!

New year. New blog. New devos.

Just to quickly introduce myself, I, Jason am just an average 17 year old, Christian, male, baptized on the 28th of September (2008), i made it a new years resolution to have a better devo/prayer life. I gotta make it right and learn to put God first before anything or anyone else. Hopefully this will keep me accountable as we push through and make our efforts to spend time with the creator, the beginning and the end, and my almighty Saviour. lets do this. How is this exactly going to work? we havent decided yet. ha. You can also follow my OTHER devo blog here: http://devojournalism.blogspot.com/

BUT im not alone! :) i've got a wonderful partner in the juice making industry, BETHANY WONG (who you'll meet above, or below).

LET THE JUICE MAKING BEGIN.

^1-2 So here's what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.

romans12:1-2