under construction.

Are there any days where everything is just perfect and ideal? I doubt it, we're going to always be going through something, a struggle, or a challenge, with a friend, or with yourself. But life can never be perfect as disappointing as it sounds.

Because we are work in progress. God is constantly working on us, crafting and moulding us into something greater and something stronger. Undergoing all these changes brings up mess, everywhere. When you're renovating, making an art piece, working or studying, in the process of something, there is mess. From the dust and wood shavings, the paint and the clay, or the sheets and pencils, there is mess.

I personally hate mess, hate when things are unorganized, it makes the future (near or far) so blurry, and it worries me and i get anxious over it. Many times when things are messy, we forget to look at the big picture, and get pushed to the verge of giving up. We have to keep the final result in mind. We know that after we renovate, there will be a better, and new space. When we finish our art, there will be a beautiful masterpiece, and when we finish studying, we'll be confident for our test, so as God is crafting us, refining us, through all the hurt and pain, know that after all the mess, there will be brilliant, hand-made by the Lord of Lords.

⁶ being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

Philippians 1:6 

tears.

We all have those days where we're sad, we're disappointed, its an off day, something has happened, and tears may fall. I feel like i've been on this crazy rollarcoaster recently, filled with times of over thinking and worrying, steep climbs that sometimes lead to nothing, and fearing the truth.

I've thought about it lately, and it just feels like i don't have that sense of belonging yet. I feel like an alien sometimes, as if I'm from another planet or something. Something doesn't feel right. It might be my fault for not having a close core group of friends, or maybe its just that no one finds interest in me? I've talked to others about it, and they've all said to be myself and to have a bit more confidence in myself. And I'm trying so hard. Be myself. If you like it, cool, if you don't, then thats cool too.

I just don't know how to handle it. Maybe I'm just expecting too much? I honestly don't know what the problem is.

Tears. Okay, im not crying, but i know that we're all going through something, whether it be the stress from school and university, or problems with parents, no one is living the perfect life.

God sees these tears. Whether they may be the ones falling down your cheek, or the ones from the heart. He has gone through all this, and he knows exactly how it feels.

Yes, maybe i don't feel like i fit, maybe I'm just the odd piece in the puzzle, and maybe this isn't where I'm supposed to be. But I honestly love those around me. They are great people to be around, and i love their company. Can they say the same? That i'll never know. I said that I'm scared of knowing the truth. What people truly think about me. I try to think of others instead of myself, if they don't like me, theres not need to hide it, just say it. But i don't know.

Is it just me? I don't know. But what i've learnt this weekend is what's pushing me through. Knowing that God understands, he knows, and he cares should be and is enough for me. Life is worth the living just because He lives. JUST BECAUSE.

This stuff is always crossing my mind. I just had to get it out.

Verse of the day says the rejoice always. Good reminder in this time. I'll keep trying. I don't know what God is trying to teach me here, but I'm willing to listen and learn. Praying he'll speak to me.

⁴ Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! ⁵ Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. ⁶ Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ⁷And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:4-7

God Cares.

Luke 12:6-7

⁶ Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God. ⁷Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.

You are worth something. Jesus knows the number of hairs on your very head. He uses hair to communicate his great love for you and his care for you. The Creator who cares about the life and events of the lowly sparrow cares much more about you! Every detail of your life is important. Every circumstance. Every fear. Every worry. God cares.

Don't ever think that you aren't good enough. I had a phase where i didn't know what to do. The thought kept going through my head, "I'm just not good enough." I realized that I don't need to be perfect to have a relationship with God. He cares for us and he's always there for us. He loves the sinners of the world no matter how much they've been through. All that junk that we've been though, he understands it all. He looks at you as his art. You're perfect and beautiful. You're amazing.

22 Days.

in 22 days the annual Teen's Conference will be in action at RHCCC.
I can't believe it's that close. I've volunteered to be a captain and it's my first time do take on this role. I don't know what to expect. There are so many different personalities out there and who knows if they'll collide with mine or not.

I've been attending training since November 5th. It's been preping me for those 4 days to come. The reason why i wanted to captain is because that my captains have showed me how to love others and i want to show that to others.

Today, we had a concert of prayer and to be honest i didn't know what it really was. I walked in not knowing anything about it and once it was over, i was amazed. I realized that God was there for me. Although there i'm stressed and worried he's still there.

It hit me hard when the coaches were telling us about how it's 22 days away. I will have to lead 30 gr 8-10s for 2 days. Then another 30 gr 10-12s. All in 4 days. Today i felt God taking all these burdens off my back. It's such an amazing feeling that i can't explain.

Worry.

Worry is thoughts, images and emotions of a negative nature in which mental attempts are made to avoid anticipated potential threats.
We all tend to worry over things. It may be from marks to friends. For me, I worry about many things. But the thing that I worry bout most is my future. All these nasty thoughts run through my head as i continue my day at school.

We have to remember not to worry about things and lift it up to God. It may be hard at first but, there's nothing you will regret afterwards.
After a sermon or Sunday school class, I tend to forget things. I often walk out like nothing has happened. I think that many of us listen to a sermon and it goes in and then out. We have to learn to meditate on God's word. Put his Word into action. Be the salt and light of the world. Practice His word by reviewing over and over again in your head.

The more time you spend reviewing what God has said, the more you will understand the “secrets” of this life that most people miss.

-Rick Warren.