numbered.

I am continually thinking about this and realizing this, that everything is numbered, and once there were firsts, but now comes lasts. From prom, to last SNA, to last worship practices, numbered nights in that bed, numbered days before university, everything is slowly wrapping up.

I can't take it. Thinking about it recently, i feel like everything is picking up too, but at this late late hour. Im finally starting to truly enjoy myself, have fun, feeling welcomed and accepted, but May 26th of my final year? Any later? Just being around the grade 10s today at AGAPE was exhilarating, they are full of energy and potential, they're kind, sweet, funny, and fun, and it hurts thinking about their absence next year.

I feel like a whirlwind is about to pick up, i don't know whats going to happen, who I'm going to lose, who I'm going to keep, what God is trying to teach me, or what the final results will be. Im scared, I'm nervous, I'm not ready, but putting faith in God.

I think this upcoming transition between high school and university will be another test, just like SNA and ACUPE, another lesson to put my faith in Christ. He knows best. Although everything is numbered, he's here for me and with me at all times.

⁷ 

Since no one knows the future,    who can tell someone else what is to come?

Ecclesiastes 8:7 

there's a plank...

Who am I to judge?

Who are you to judge?

We are equal in sin.

One of the biggest qualities i look in a friend is that they aren't judging. That I can be my 100% self around them, ask the stupidest questions and not get a glare, or a "really? you didn't know that?" or a "do you live under a rock?". Sarcastic or serious, it hurts. And who are we to judge each other. We are equal in sin, equally at fault, and have all fallen short of God's glory.

“Do not judge, or you too will be judged. ² For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.
³ “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? ⁴ How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? ⁵ You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.

Matthew 7:1-5

We tend to judge others a lot, whether its shown obviously or just judging another on the inside. I know that I most definitely do, especially with first impressions. I think the root of it is pride. Thinking you are higher above, or better than others, but the truth is we are all equal. The one that stole is no better or worse than the one who committed murder. We constantly are looking for faults in another person, trying to compare ourselves to make us feel better about ourselves.

I know many times, especially at church, judging others is an issue. I think its because many of us that attend church have been there for a while now, know all the "standards and expectations" as Christians, and once a flaw is noticed, its immediately beaten down. It develops a negative atmosphere, and people don't feel welcomed. God made people, friends and community so we can feel loved and build each other up and not tear each other down. When we judge, we look at others and not ourselves. Like it says in the passage above, why are we talking about the speck of dust in another's eye when we clearly have a plank in ours.

Don't judge, but love each other. We all have faults and we all stumble, but we should be there for other, to help each other up, not to cast stones to keep others on the ground.

⁷ When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.”

John 8:7 

role modelling.

Role model. As followers of Christ, we need to be good representatives of him, constantly reflecting Him. I've never really looked at myself as a role model, but the past year, there have been people that have told me that they look up to me. It was a shock. Why would you look up to me out of all people? What is it about that you admire? Why me?

Although i continue to question myself, over and over, knowing that there are people that look up to me, its different. Because there are people looking up to me, i have to put on my A-game like never before. I try my best to set that good example for them, in hopes that those who look up to me will learn and be influenced to do the same.

But it was today when I felt the pressure of being this role model. I want to set that example for others, especially for those younger than me, but today i felt like, for me to do that, i had to be perfect and have no flaws. I love it when I have people that support me, and that i can support, where there's a two way accountability, but sometimes its hard when you tell others to not give up (for instance), and then the next second talk about giving up. We can't be two faced, and we can't go against our word. But at the same time, you are dealing with your own struggles and you want to give up, yet today i felt like i couldn't share with anyone because it would make me look bad as a role model. So how do you balance that?

I do realize that being a role model doesn't mean perfection, but its hard to set a good example when you don't live up to what you say/do? Does that make sense?

Christ is the perfect example we should all be looking up to. We are humans, we fail and we stumble. There isn't anything wrong with looking up to one another, but we have to know that none of us are perfect. Set your eyes on Christ, the greatest example.

¹² Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity. 

1 Timothy 4:12 

change is coming.

Watching Glee tonight, it's extremely relevant at the moment because the kids at McKindly High are graduating, and they're basically going through the phase at the same time as us. As they await their university responses, as they plan and start to prepare to move out, as they say their final goodbyes and go their separate ways. Tonight's episode really helped me realize the change that was coming and how unprepared I was.

I felt like I am somewhat prepared. I know where i want to go next year, and I'm excited to move out. Like I said in previous posts, all the academic portions I'm prepared and ready to go with, but with friends, family, relationships and people, I'm not ready to say my final goodbyes. I can't help but to think of what the last moment with the people of this stage of life will be like. What will happen our last time, everyone together. I cannot bear to think of how life will be like in a new environment with new people.

Although these people aren't completely gone and cut from my life, but its very probably that certain people will fade, and only the true friends will remain. Who? Maybe people I want, maybe people that will surprise me. Whether or not i like it, this change is coming.

God has a plan. This is something that is very reassuring for me. That he has a perfect and better plan already being incorporated. But as excited I am to see it, and watch it unravel, i know that parts of it do not consist of what I want. For instance, this specific friend, or this particular situation. So I'm scared, while at the same time I'm excited.

What I can do now, is live in the moment and truly treasure all God has blessed me with here and now and continue to move forward from there. The change is coming, most possibly faster than i want.

¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 

Jeremiah 29:11 

holy living.

 ¹ As for other matters, brothers and sisters, we instructed you how to live in order to please God, as in fact you are living. Now we ask you and urge you in the Lord Jesus to do this more and more. ² For you know what instructions we gave you by the authority of the Lord Jesus.

 ³ It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; ⁴that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable, ⁵ not in passionate lust like the pagans, who do not know God; ⁶ and that in this matter no one should wrong or take advantage of a brother or sister. The Lord will punish all those who commit such sins, as we told you and warned you before. ⁷ For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life. ⁸ Therefore, anyone who rejects this instruction does not reject a human being but God, the very God who gives you his Holy Spirit.

 ⁹ Now about your love for one another we do not need to write to you, for you yourselves have been taught by God to love each other. ¹⁰ And in fact, you do love all of God’s family throughout Macedonia. Yet we urge you, brothers and sisters, to do so more and more, ¹¹and to make it your ambition to lead a quiet life: You should mind your own business and work with your hands, just as we told you, ¹² so that your daily life may win the respect of outsiders and so that you will not be dependent on anybody.

1 Thessalonians 4:1-12

Now that we have hope, now that we know that our salvation is assured, our support group and accountability is there, and we know that all hardships are apart of a plan, we must continue to live. Again, as I was skimming through scripture, I came across this passage and I feel like it sums up how we should live in simple and understandable terms.

Our main purpose for all of us on this earth is to please Christ. (v.1) Recently, i've been thanking God for each day in prayer, but ironically at night before I go to bed. I finally was able to spend some time this morning to thank him for another breath, and another day to live. We have been blessed with such opportunity in this life to be able to be something bigger. It doesn't necessarily mean famous, but because we are so privileged with education, and wealth, we should use it please Christ. Every breath, every word, every action and thought should be honouring to our God and Saviour. I try my best to do that. I've felt that as long as we strive to live a holy life, we are doing well. But recently, i've questioned, am i really doing this? Or am i still living a doubled life? The fact that a few of my friends can still joke around about Christianity, thinking thats its okay with me, is that a problem? Is it bad that i laugh with them, but its just that our intentions behind aren't necessary the same? Am i not showing and representing my God well enough? Am i really pleasing and glorifying God in ALL i am doing?

Flee from sexual immorality. (v.3) Its interesting how thats the first thing that is brought up. Looking at our world today, sex is something that has been completely changed. Doing it casually is completely accepted in today's society, but God created it to be saved for marriage, to be shared with your spouse. We've spoiled it and ruined it. Sex has gotten more and more "popular" lately and i would say that its one of the bigger problems out there lately, when used for the wrong intentions, so many things can go wrong. Hearts broken, lives taken, the consequences are endless and painful. This really requires self control. Especially with the internet, so many things are so easily accessible, easy doors that lead to temptation and eventually sin. We have to learn to control ourselves, and use our bodies for honouring purposes. (v.4)

Holy life. Holy living. (v.7) No one can be perfect. We as humans are all flawed, but we can fight. That shows growth, it shows commitment, and as long as we have that drive to be holy and we are continuously working towards it, God will acknowledge and take note of that. But sometimes, there are the lukewarm followers, the double faced Christians. (v.8) We talked about this in the sermon yesterday, that there are "Christians" that know that sin is wrong, know what they should be doing, yet CHOOSES to do the opposite. What bothers me the most with this is that they are misrepresenting Christ, which affects everyone around them, easily hindering others from getting to know the true being of Christ.

Love. (v.9-10) God is love. Therefore by following him and committing to him, we should also love others. Love is the foundation of all of this. Because of God's love, Christ was sacrificed for you and me. Without this unconditional love, there would be no faith, and no hope. Love can be hard sometimes, whether if its loving your enemy or confronting someone else, but with love as your intention, God will continue to guide us through. You are loving God by loving others.

These last two verses (v.11-12) seem to somewhat sum up everything. Leading a quiet life. From what I understand this time reading it, pride is addressed. Don't be boasting about yourself, and don't be cocky about yourself. "So that you will not be dependant on anybody." Lately i've started to realize this about myself. That i am extremely reliant on others. I always need someone there, and as some may say "clingy". Yes, friends and a support group are essential, but you cannot fully rely on them all the time. The truth is that they will fail you one day, and they may not even be there one day. If you invest yourself too much into others, you will fail to be independent. Im trying to learn to be less of that "clingy" character, to build confidence and to stop relying on others so strongly.

 ¹ Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship.

Romans 12:1 

more tears?

who would've thought there'd be more tears to come today.

Today we had a first small drama practice with a group of friends for ACUPE night, our annual coffeeshop-like event, they decided to remake the chisel video (above) by the skit guys and i was re-watching it beforehand and something just hit me. I had to go upstairs and because i couldn't hold it. Im not sure what it was, but something was tugging at me.

Listening to it carefully, it was exactly what i needed to hear. It was exactly what I was needed to be reminded of.

I am God's original masterpiece. That was the catchline of the video.

I always think lowly of myself, i don't think I'm worthy of anything, i don't think I'm good enough for anything or anyone, i can beat myself down to pulp, but with others, I'm able to encourage, and praise them, but with myself, its the complete opposite. I never have faith in my work, i need so much reassurance, its horrible. Sometimes i think that i've failed at life. To the point where there's no turning back, that i've ruined it.

Junk. I think I'm junk.

In the video, "God" says "you've listened to so many voices for far too long that aren't of me. You think you are junk don't you? You really, really, really, really think you are junk. Listen to me. I don't make junk. What does that say about me."

God doesn't make junk. Thats insulting to him.

I also constantly compare myself to others, and that was something that was needed to be chiseled off. Im always thinking of how people are so great and how I'm not, what they have and what i don't, what I'm missing.

God doesn't make copies.

I can feel all the weight on me. All the dirty nasty things that need to be chiseled off. God needs to come in and do that, but will i let him take over and do i have the faith to let him do what he needs to do? I say yes, but i think there are parts of me that are still resisting.

I am God's original masterpiece.

I am God's original masterpiece. 

I am God's original masterpiece.

And so are you.

¹³ For you created my inmost being;    you knit me together in my mother’s womb. ¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;    your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

Psalm 139:13-14 

Journey: Guangxi

Second training. The missions trip is approaching fast actually, I'm leaving early july, so that gives us about less than 3 months before we depart and execute this. Today's training was surrounding the topic of Personality. For unity to happen, we must be able to understand each other and our teams, how we work, who we are as people. So we did a quick test.

There are four animals.

The Lion - the extrovert, task-oriented, strong, direct, but too dictatorial.

The Otter - the extrovert, people-oriented, open and positive, but may talk to much.

The Golden Retriever - the introvert, people-oriented, calm and sensitive, but can get hurt easily

The Beaver - the introvert, task-oriented, has high standards, but is a perfectionist.

I ranked as the golden retriever. And I can totally see it in myself, I'm sensitive, i try my best to sympathize with others, but I can get too sensitive and be hurt easily.

Looking around at the new faces at the training, naturally, there are people i tend to stay closer to, there are people who i judge based on first impressions, for instance there's this one team member who i just am not getting the best vibe from. I feel like we won't mix... and I don't know how to handle it.

We're also in somewhat of an uncomfortable situation. I didn't want to be put in a group with these people, but this team came together from different churches to make up this team. Its another chance to get out of my comfort zone, meet new people, and start new friendships. I have to continue to push myself forward and out there.

During the sharing, they talked about a typical day of the trip. I came to realize that this trip is going to be my longest short term missions so far. OJ Quebec was only 4 days of crazy wake up early, sleep late schedules. Day Camp was two weeks, but it was only most of the day, but on this upcoming trip, we will be up from 6:30am-10pm pretty much everyday for two weeks. In crazy climate and temperatures, with lack of luxury (they said there won't be seated toilets). I wonder how i'll cope. I remember in the past, i've heard these "typical day" talks and them saying that we'll be all exhausted, but honestly i haven't really felt that.

Im guess i'm nervous to work with these new people, i hope that i can mesh well and just open up to them.

¹⁶From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work.

Ephesians 4:16

Endure! - Part 1

¹⁹ Therefore, brothers and sisters, since we have confidence to enter the Most Holy Place by the blood of Jesus, ²⁰ by a new and living way opened for us through the curtain, that is, his body, ²¹and since we have a great priest over the house of God, ²²let us draw near to God with a sincere heart and with the full assurance that faith brings, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. ²³Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. ²⁴ And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, ²⁵ not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.

²⁶ If we deliberately keep on sinning after we have received the knowledge of the truth, no sacrifice for sins is left, ²⁷ but only a fearful expectation of judgment and of raging fire that will consume the enemies of God.

Hebrews 10:19-27

Lately, you can see that my posts have been more topic based instead of passage based, and i can feel the gap between his Word and my life, and its weak. Im starting to really realize the power of his Word, how it is the bread of life. Indulging in it is a must, if you stop, you start to stray away.

I came across this passage while flipping through my bible, and its under "A Call to Persevere". There's more to it and i'll make it the next post, like a MINI MINI series. At this moment in time, there's been a lot i've been trying to push through, and there's been little glimmers of hope that are pushing me through. God will last and not leave my side, so putting my hope in Him is the best choice.

How sure are you of your salvation? (v.22) I remember at my baptism interview, i was asked "if you were to die right now, would you go to heaven or hell?" I remember answering hell. Because of all the things and sins i've committed, there was no way i was near that "perfect" Christian that deserves heaven. Oh boy was i wrong. God hands this gift out to each and every one of us, we take it when we repent and believe in Him. It still took me many many years after to fully understand the assurance of my salvation. Only until recently, I came to realize that my name is already up in heaven in the book of life, that i can say that i AM going to heaven. Christ is my God and my Saviour, and i've dedicated my life to him, no matter how hard the road may be. His life and his sacrifice has cleansed our hearts. We now have the help of the holy spirit, we can be stronger in becoming righteous in a holy manner. May we live our lives each month, each week and each day glorifying God in ALL we do.

Hope. (v.23) we're always looking for hope. It times of trouble especially. We must hold onto Christ because his will keep his promises. That he will one day descend from heaven and will end all sin, all pain, when judgement day will arrive. I await that day. I think i tend to forget this promise and thus lose hope easily.

While on earth, with these challenges and hardships, we cannot do it alone (v. 24-25). I remember struggling through things, and i remember focusing on Philippians 4:13 "i can do all things through Christ" that was my motivator. And as true as that was, i was strong enough, and i had to have other people. Thats why God made people. So we can work and help each other get through trials and troubles. Its always nice to know there's someone there for you, someone you can talk to. Find accountability. Find community. Find support. Find unity. You'll find a good group of people you can talk to, share with, be transparent with and can open up to. Its so important.

If you say that you are a follower of Christ, you are his child and his representative. If you know that God does not like sin, yet you continue to do so, it isn't right. (v.26-27) But God is a good God. He gives us free will. You can do whatever you want. He won't stop you and wont force you. If you continue to indulge in the world, then he'll just wait, hoping for the day you turn back to him. Judgement day is coming for all of us. God will go through all of us, one by one, looking through what we've done, if we were true followers and servants of Christ.

We have continue to fight and push forward.

Salvation is assured for us.

There is hope in God's love and promises.

He's given us people that will support and encourage us.

We cannot go back to our usual desires and sinful habits.

¹² Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.

Romans 12:12

dystopia

Ever since diving into this concept in gr. 12 english, a dystopian society has always been on my mind. As a quick crash course, dystopia is the opposite of utopia. Utopia is the concept of having a completely ideal and perfect society, and therefore dystopia is how we cannot have a perfect society, where things are corrupted and flawed.

Nothing is perfect. Nothing is perfect in this world. You'll never find a person who has the whole package, and be the perfect soulmate. Eventually you'll find something about them you may not be fond of. Society and media today understand this very well. I've seen in several tv series where they talk about dating, but how every single person they may date has a package, whether it be clingy, or messy and unorganized, nobody's perfect.

Although we understand such things, we are still going to that utopian world. We're constantly trying to make electronics, develop technologies that will last forever, and will never fail us. Has it worked? no.

Things fade.

Things fail.

But one thing doesn't. Our God, His Love. His Mercy. and His Promises. We place our hopes on such useless and meaningless things. Materialistic things. We're relying on technology more and more, we rely on friends more and more when we really should be focusing on God, not these flawed things/people.

Put our hope on something that is worth putting our hopes in. Its like betting i guess you could say. Would you rather bet on something you are unsure of, or something you have complete 100% faith in? Obviously the thing that will guarantee a win!

¹Praise the Lord! He is good.
God’s love never fails.
²Praise the God of all gods.
God’s love never fails.
³Praise the Lord of lords.
God’s love never fails.

⁴Only God works great miracles.
God’s love never fails.
⁵With wisdom he made the sky.
God’s love never fails.
⁶The Lord stretched the earth
over the ocean.
God’s love never fails.
⁷He made the bright lights
in the sky.
God’s love never fails.
⁸He lets the sun rule each day.
God’s love never fails.
⁹He lets the moon and the stars
rule each night.
God’s love never fails.

¹⁰God struck down the first-born
in every Egyptian family.
God’s love never fails.
¹¹He rescued Israel from Egypt.
God’s love never fails.
¹²God used his great strength
and his powerful arm.
God’s love never fails.
¹³He split the Red Sea apart.
God’s love never fails.

¹⁴The Lord brought Israel safely
through the sea.
God’s love never fails.
¹⁵He destroyed the Egyptian king
and his army there.
God’s love never fails.
¹⁶The Lord led his people
through the desert.
God’s love never fails.

¹⁷Our God defeated mighty kings.
God’s love never fails.
¹⁸And he killed famous kings.
God’s love never fails.
¹⁹One of them was Sihon,
king of the Amorites.
God’s love never fails.
²⁰Another was King Og of Bashan.
God’s love never fails.
²¹God took away their land.
God’s love never fails.
²²He gave their land to Israel,
the people who serve him.
God’s love never fails.

²³God saw the trouble we were in.
God’s love never fails.
²⁴He rescued us from our enemies.
God’s love never fails.
²⁵He gives food to all who live.
God’s love never fails.

²⁶Praise God in heaven!
God’s love never fails.

Psalm 136

Just Leave.

I've realized that i talk a lot about friends. I think it's just because they are the ones who keep me going (besides my family). I was talking to one of my closest friends about leaving to university.

Who knows what will happen. Meeting new people, starting fresh, going into a new environment, attending new classes, and simply being overloaded with work. After saying all this to him i realized i might actually lose him as a friend. He'll get caught up in all the work and stress and simply forget about me. He told me that it's part of growing up, i gotta spend the last moments i have with them and treasure them. and he said he'll try his best to keep in contact.

At that moment i realized that it's all becoming reality. In less than 6 months most of my close friends will be leaving for university. I honestly don't know what I'm going to do when they're gone. Suck it up and move on.

If i don't want to regret anything i have to treasure the moments i have with them.

Best Friend.

What is a best friend?

Today i was talking well proving a point to my friend. He was in a situation where his best friend will be hosting her 17th birthday party and he was struggling with choosing between studying or this party. He told me that he's got midterms coming up and he needs to focus on school.

I thought that what he said hurt the girl so i stood up for her. I told him that whether or not he needs to study why would you choose school over your friend's party? School yeah it's important but you can have more than one chance with that. Friends on the other hand, there's only one shot at it. Everyone is given one life. Use it wisely. I told him school or best friend. He stuttered a bit and then realized that friends are way more important than school work.

You never know when someone's life is going to end so spend every minute with them like it's the last.

Phil1:3 says, "I thank my God every time i remember you."

not an option.

Today in calculus class, i heard that many people decided to drop the course after getting their midterm marks because they were doing poorly in the course. Personally, i don't think one should drop the course. Okay, maybe you aren't doing well, but you have chances to pull it up, and its good exposure so you have some knowledge before you go into university. I was talking to a buddy about it, and i really recommended him to not to drop it. You're already halfway, why drop it now?

After school, getting home, working, thinking about the stuff I talked about yesterday with friends and relationships. Its the same thing. I shouldn't give up on it. Yes its tiring and its hard, but just because I'm doing "poorly" doesn't mean i can just drop it completely. I've actually considered to just be alone. forever. People always say oh forever alone, but i feel like its reality for me.

Im slowly trying to pick myself up, and keep the ball rolling with all the school stress, the university pressures, and everything else in this world. Just trying to push myself forward.

God wouldn't want me to give up.

I know he won't give me something I can't handle.

If he thinks/knows I can overcome this, i will.

Thats what i plan to do. If it's his will, i'll do what i can to fulfill it.

Giving up isn't an option, pushing through it is.

² Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, ³ because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. ⁴ Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

James 1:2-4

tears.

We all have those days where we're sad, we're disappointed, its an off day, something has happened, and tears may fall. I feel like i've been on this crazy rollarcoaster recently, filled with times of over thinking and worrying, steep climbs that sometimes lead to nothing, and fearing the truth.

I've thought about it lately, and it just feels like i don't have that sense of belonging yet. I feel like an alien sometimes, as if I'm from another planet or something. Something doesn't feel right. It might be my fault for not having a close core group of friends, or maybe its just that no one finds interest in me? I've talked to others about it, and they've all said to be myself and to have a bit more confidence in myself. And I'm trying so hard. Be myself. If you like it, cool, if you don't, then thats cool too.

I just don't know how to handle it. Maybe I'm just expecting too much? I honestly don't know what the problem is.

Tears. Okay, im not crying, but i know that we're all going through something, whether it be the stress from school and university, or problems with parents, no one is living the perfect life.

God sees these tears. Whether they may be the ones falling down your cheek, or the ones from the heart. He has gone through all this, and he knows exactly how it feels.

Yes, maybe i don't feel like i fit, maybe I'm just the odd piece in the puzzle, and maybe this isn't where I'm supposed to be. But I honestly love those around me. They are great people to be around, and i love their company. Can they say the same? That i'll never know. I said that I'm scared of knowing the truth. What people truly think about me. I try to think of others instead of myself, if they don't like me, theres not need to hide it, just say it. But i don't know.

Is it just me? I don't know. But what i've learnt this weekend is what's pushing me through. Knowing that God understands, he knows, and he cares should be and is enough for me. Life is worth the living just because He lives. JUST BECAUSE.

This stuff is always crossing my mind. I just had to get it out.

Verse of the day says the rejoice always. Good reminder in this time. I'll keep trying. I don't know what God is trying to teach me here, but I'm willing to listen and learn. Praying he'll speak to me.

⁴ Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! ⁵ Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. ⁶ Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ⁷And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:4-7

Is It Time?

You never know when your life will end. Today i found out that on of my family friends passed away in February. We never really spoke of her condition, which was a type of cancer, but she was always prayed for. I didn't really know her personally but i knew that she was a studious and faithful daughter of God.

We all have our struggles in life. Her's was physical. Cancer. It's pretty unpredictable. You never know how much treatment you will need until you'll be 100% healed. She had to undergo many surgeries starting from November of 2009 until she passed away. She still fought through the good and bad news. She kept her eyes focused on God.

I admire her because she was being optimistic instead of a pessimist. She didn't shun God because of what He had sent her. She made every last second the best. We should always spend our time with family and friends memorable because you never know when it's your time to go.

Road to Calvary (VI)

About to do my devotions today, i realized i forgot to leave a passage here, in between the crucifixion and the resurrection, but i think that i'll use this post to really take some time to think about how God has worked in my life and how i've seen his love displayed.

The past little while has been rather rough. I've said in a previous post that i feel like my WORLD life (meaning academics, university and all) is okay. Im not worried about that, about marks and I'm not stressed about work either. But on the flip side, MY WORLD (meaning friends, relationships, has been quite a mess). The past year i've been able to open up more and share with others about my problems, and i've been blessed to have a few special people in my life whom i can trust, whom i can talk to and be completely honest with without hesitation. I cannot thank them enough. I truly believe that God placed them in my life to help me with this time of struggle and i can say that its through them that i see God's awesome love.

Its because of God's love that I'm here today.

Its because of God's love that I'm still standing.

Its because of God's love that i have hope, a reason to live on and to fight.

Death. I've been thinking about that quite a bit lately. Thinking about how easy it would be to take my life, and then all the problems would disappear immediately. But yet i haven't. Its easy to just walk out into the street and get hit, its easy to step off the balcony and fall, but yet I'm still here, still standing and still fighting. How am i getting through? By remembering the eternal things. God has promised us a spot in heaven if we believe. He has promised us a new life of happiness, of joy, without pain, without suffering, forever. Keep your eyes on this, and keep pushing through. Yes, life will throw you the dumps, Satan will lure and entice you, trying to trip you up, but with Christ, you've been saved. If you have believed, confessed and repented, you have ALREADY been saved. Your spot is secure! Thats the greatest hope!

God sent his son to die for you and for me. Jesus, was born in a manger, lived as a carpenter, walked on this earth, endured and faced every trial, every pain, and every temptation by the devil and stood firm, did not give up, and committed until the very end, until "it is finished". May we follow his footsteps and learn to do the same.

¹⁶ Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. ¹⁷For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. ¹⁸ So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

2 Corinthians 4:16-18

"I'll be here for you."

I often see this phrase, "I'll be here for you", everywhere. It gets tossed around in multiple relationships and I feel like it's just a reassurance of accountability. But, do you say it? I know I do. I sometimes just say it to make someone feel like they're loved. To my close friends, i always say it because it's true. I'll never leave their side no matter how much pain, drama, stupidity, judgement that they've been through.

Do you actually mean it when you say it or do you just say it just cuz. Accountability is key in every relationship. As I'm helping my friend go through their problem i feel like i have the responsibility of sticking by their side no matter what happens to them.

Some relationships may end horrifically and those words will soon mean nothing. But look on the bright side, simply look up. God's always there for you. He'll keep his word when he says those words. It may sometimes feel like he's not there but if you take a step back, he is. He'll never leave your side. No matter how many things we've done wrong, no matter how many times we might have said something that dishonors him, he'll still be there. He won't judge you because he made you perfectly.

Visits.

So today my friend came over to chill for a few minutes unsuspectingly.

He asked me if i was home and the next thing you know, he's sitting on my bed.

Today was such a tiring day that i needed a nap in order to get my work done. Did i get this nap? Nope! I'd have to say that seeing my friend's face totally made my day. This one simple person can do so much. Also, i have to say that I think i've been taking this friend for granted. I went to him whenever i needed help and that was the only time when i would initiate a conversation. Last night, i talked to him bout stuff and it made me realize that he's leaving to go to university so soon so i must take the opportunity to spend more time with him. I learned that we should never take friends for granted. (this post is similar to the one that i did before but in a more positive way)

One simple visit from a friend can make someone's day.

admirable move.

"may the odds be ever in your favor"

Happy Hunger Games everyone! I was lucky enough to have been able to go watch the exciting film with my fellow AGAPE friends tonight, and what a movie. There are so many things i can say about it, but there's something else i want to address. This whole process started a month ago (i think) when we booked tickets and reserved an entire row. Everyone was so excited and hyped up for it and there were so many people that wanted to come as well, but we couldnt get all of them to come with because they asked too late. My post today is titled admirable move because two things happened that I've been thinking about a lot lately.

First off, this week, I was talking to the friend who booked all the tickets for us, who I am so thankful for and i was asking her if she was excited, and she told me she wasnt going... I was so curious as to why she wasnt going to come with us, and it turns out that she gave her ticket away. I was stunned. Absolutely stunned. How could someone so generously give away their ticket like that? It was opening weekend, it was with 12 other friends, it was gonna be one heck of a night! And she gave it up for one of the newcomers to our fellowship. Wow. I couldnt believe it. Admirable Move.

Second, since she didnt come, she gave all the tickets to her friend who came with us today. And since she had all the tickets, she had to give them to us as we came in. I remember, it was 7:25 and they needed to go to the washroom, so i happily took their place, and as I waited, i realized the movie was going to start in 5 mins, and with 6 other tickets, i started to get impatient. One of the six friends came, and when the two friends came back from the washroom, i was ready to go inside. As the commercials went, and as the movie started, they two girls still didnt come in yet. Again, i thought to myself, wow, they're giving up the time and money they spent to watch this movie, and because they took on the role as the "ticket giver", they took it on with full seriousness and commitment. They waited outside and came in 5 mins into the movie. Another admirable move.

Reflecting on it, I realized how selfish I was. I dont think I could have done it if I were in their place. I honestly admire how sacrificial and selfless they were. Thinking about it, thats exactly what God did, but instead of giving up a movie ticket to see the hunger games, he gave up eternal happiness, a kingdom, a throne, and his only son for us. Even in the movie, Katniss sacrificed and risked her life to save what was important to her, her friends. Thats the most admirable move of them all.

verse of the day: John 15:13

¹³ There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.

Friends For Granted.

It's easy to say that you'll be best friends for life but is it easy to keep your word for it?

I have a friend who i thought our friendship would actually last till we died but did it? Nope. Not at all. It was hard to accept the fact that our friendship was over. I didn't realize how special he was until he left. The times we had together i feel like i could have treasured but i didn't. I just took this friend for granted.

We may often think okay i'll see you tomorrow. Just another day has gone by with the same people, same plans. Have you ever stopped and thought of what would happen if all your friends disappear? Will you regret anything?

Spending each and every moment with your friends is very important. I really do regret taking my friend for granted. I didn't understand what was going on in my head when i look back now.

Hello, My Name is: Friend

There are so many times I know that i've felt lonely, uncared for, and like an outcast. Friends, sure and yes i have friends but only a rare few are the ones i can truly talk to and can call "BFF"s if you will. Its difficult sometimes, dealing with the loneliness, but thinking and looking ahead towards eternity, I've come to realize that God is THE true friend.

He's always there for you. You dont need to call him, poke him, text him, just say a prayer and he's listening attentively. I know that sometimes i can completely pour out my heart to him when im going through things.

He has this love for you that no one on this earth can ever express. He loves unconditionally, not matter what you're suffering through, no matter how you look, how you speak, or how you dress. He loves each of us because he designed, planned, and created all of us in his image. His love is so great that he died for you. Sacrifice IS love, and his life, the greatest thing anyone can sacrifice, he gave up for you.

You can trust this friend. He'll never backstab you. Everything in this world will fail, will fade, and will corrode. From materialistic things, to friendships and relationships. But this friendship and commitment you make with Christ is forever and eternal.

But there are a few things i think we all struggle with when with this friend we call God. First, the world has become a place where everything is fast, immediate, and we often turn to our friends first because they reply. Whenever i talk to God, there isnt a literal response which provides immediate satisfaction. Also, i think i've talked about this before, but I dont usually feel the connection between his love and the cross because it happened so long ago that it doesnt feel relevant anymore. Lastly is knowing what he wants. I want to know what he wants me to do and what he wants to tell me, but I dont see it, and I cant hear it and its frustrating. Are these flaws of God? No. Its all apart of being a follower of Christ and having faith. Knowing that he is there and believing that his love never fails.

He's the true friend.

When all else fails, he will be the only one to turn to.

But you shouldnt be turning to him WHEN all else fails.

We should be turning to him first and foremost.

¹ See how very much our Father loves us, for he calls us his children, and that is what we are! But the people who belong to this world don’t recognize that we are God’s children because they don’t know him.

1 John 3:1