Wit's End

When things don't go your way.

When it seems like everything's done.

When it feels like you've hit rock bottom.

When you're at your wit's end.

Ready to give up, ready to lose hope. Had enough, can't go on. Im sure we have experienced that before in our lives, at least one point in time. Its discouraging, its frustrating, and often times, we may question God, wonder where he is an why he's abandoned us. When we have Satan breathing down our neck, we easily get distracted, our own thoughts tear us down, we over think and analyze everything, and things just seem to get worse.

We have to look forward to something, we have to have hope in something, or else there really is nothing worth living for. If there was no hope, we would basically live and die. We must remember to set out eyes on Christ, the one who will unconditionally love us forevermore. He will never leave our side in times of darkness and in times of trouble. As long as we continue to follow him, abide in him, he will give us peace and strength to carry through.

⁹ But he said to me,“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. ” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. ¹⁰ That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

2 Corinthians 12:9-10 

Tumble of Death

Grade 12? You're probably feeling the exact same way. Its mid-May, there's prom coming up, almost all the results from universities are in, we pretty much know where we are going, and it feels like we're trapped birds that have almost broken loose. So easy to just give up now, and just start to enjoy whats to come.

Im sure we were all reminded of that last semester, i remember being told to stick it out until the end, and i totally thought to myself, "no, i won't get that, I'm a hard working student right? this won't affect me." But nope, it is getting to me, big time. There are certain courses where technically i don't need anymore, could just give up and let it slide, but i still have a few strings holding me back from that, but it feels like each day that passes, another string snaps, and its only a matter of time before I'm free.

We can't. We can't give up. As easy as it feels. I think we can all feel like this sometimes in our walk with Christ, that we feel like we can just give up. We've worked so hard, and we're near the end, that we can just let it slip and start to enjoy it earlier. But we have to stick it through. There's literally a month left until exams come around, and if we're still in this slacking mode, how are we going to pick it up for exams? Its easy to fall, and harder to climb back up.

Im praying that God gives me the strength to continue, to not fully give up, to continue to work hard, and stick it out until June 19th. Can you pull through? Will you fall into temptation or will you trudge through? God calls us not to be lazy, to set a good example and work hard. Lets keep it up for the next month!

A sluggard’s appetite is never filled,     but the desires of the diligent are fully satisfied.

Proverbs 13:4 

⁴

Journey: Guangxi

We focused on anger and forgiveness today. We all get into conflicts, there are always difference in opinions, and just when people don't get along. It often can spark anger, and tension, but thats completely fine, no one ever said that you had to get along with every person you see. But how you deal with it is whats most important.

When there's conflict, there are two main roads we can take.

Bitterness. You can take this conflict and make it anger, you can twist it into revenge, and act upon it. It can get much worse, its practically playing with fire. Whats worse is that when we are bitter when we hold grudges, it doesn't help. It affects us, our relationship with others as well as our relationship with God. It will eat you from the inside out and the bitterness will eventually start pouring out of you.

Forgiveness. God calls us to forgive, continuously, over and over again. When forgiving, you are channelling Christ's love for us, and similar to bitterness or anything in general, as you channel and invest yourself into something more and more, you eventually start to be it and it starts to reflect and pour out of you naturally.

Along the lines of conflict, forgiveness, and bitterness, the next step is repentance. Especially when you've done something wrong. Repentance isn't a formula, some ritual you do, but it is a choice that you make, a change in thinking. When you decide to confess and repent, you acknowledge what you are doing wrong, and you make an effort and change, to stop, to fight it. This allows for growth, and strengthening in your faith and in your character.

On a short terms missions, even every day, we're dealing with problems and people, we must learn to follow Christ, forgive and love. Turn the other cheek.

²⁵ And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.”

Mark 11:25 

more than just pain,

¹² Dear friends, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal that has come on you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. ¹³ But rejoice in as much as you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed. ¹⁴ If you are insulted because of the name of Christ, you are blessed, for the Spirit of glory and of God rests on you. ¹⁵ If you suffer, it should not be as a murderer or thief or any other kind of criminal, or even as a meddler. ¹⁶ However, if you suffer as a Christian, do not be ashamed, but praise God that you bear that name. ¹⁷ For it is time for judgment to begin with God’s household; and if it begins with us, what will the outcome be for those who do not obey the gospel of God? ¹⁸ And,

   “If it is hard for the righteous to be saved,
   what will become of the ungodly and the sinner?”

 ¹⁹ So then, those who suffer according to God’s will should commit themselves to their faithful Creator and continue to do good.

1 Peter 4:12-19

Suffering. We constantly have obstacles we face, whether we like it or not. This past week was definitely not one of my best weeks. Im so glad that i pulled through. I don't know how this upcoming week will be like, but my head is up high and I'm ready to start it off right.

Everyone is always questioning suffering. Why God allows it. Why we have to go through it. As Christians, i've learnt that its a trial for good. God has a greater plan and a lesson to teach us through it. I guess for myself, this week taught me a few things.

First to cry out to God. We talked about this in sunday school today too. When Jonah was in the belly of the fish, it was only when he finally submitted himself to Christ and cried out was when God answered. We often, too often go to friends and others first before God. We should always be going to God first. Last weekend, i was ready to give up, but crying out to God reassured me. Through his Word, through music and worship, and through friends. God hears you. But its when you fully give yourself to him, finally realizing that you cannot do anything more, you're helpless and are in need of a greater power. I think thats a general lesson from suffering. Knowing you can't do it alone and you need the help of Christ.

Also i've learnt about reminders. Watching that video, "I Am God's Original Masterpiece". I've constantly been repeating that to myself, constantly telling myself that I'm not junk. God doesn't make junk. I think in times of tribulation, you need to really listen for God. That video was exactly what i needed to hear to get through the rough patch, it may not necessarily be the same message for you, but there's something out there if you're willing to seek it.

God grants us these pains ultimately for growth and for character. Rejoice in your suffering. (v.13) This is still difficult for many people to understand. How can I be happy that I'm in pain? You're happy because you know that God will nurture you with these trials to strengthen you. Sometimes, i don't know what I'm saying, but i pray to Christ saying "thank you for giving these struggles, i don't know why and what you're trying to teach me but I'm willing to learn."

Don't be ashamed that you're going through these things. (v.16) I've learnt that you are never alone in your struggle. Everyone has their own package of pains and worries, we're just in a world that has adapted to hiding these flaws well because its looked down upon. I can confidently say that I'm going through many trials. I hope that i can use these trials to help others, to inspire others, and inform others that I'm fighting through it, and you shouldn't give up.

Yes, i completely agree. Suffering is hard, its tough, i don't like it, no one does, but what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. God has reasoning for this. Whether you see it or you don't, learn to put your trust in him knowing that he will give you whats best for you. Let us continue to push forth, committing our lives to Christ, continue to reflect his love and life and doing good. (v.19)

came across this article. take a look!

¹³ No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.

1 Corinthians 10:13 

zero gravity.

That feeling, when you're in outer space, where they're no gravity, nothing, you're just floating in space, and there's nothing. nothing to grab onto, nothing to ground you, keep you in place. You're just floating there, helpless. thats how i feel today. As if time has froze, and I'm stuck in my body, unable to escape, stuck, and there's absolutely nothing i can do.

Things have been rather rough, but today, it just all piled up. I woke up today knowing and having a gut feeling that the day wasn't going to go well. And it didn't. From not feeling well physically in the morning, to being plain out tired, having constant thoughts running through my mind that put myself down, Satan taunting at me, doubts, guilt, regrets, all piled up. It got to the point where instead of pushing myself to get through life day by day, today it was pushing myself to get through the next minute. And finally after my day was over, i couldn't take it. And i let it out. I broke down.

¹³ No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.

1 Corinthians 10:13

I always think of this verse. With everything going on in my mind, I kept thinking to myself. Why. God promised me that he would not give me more than i can bear, and i feel like this is just way too much. I can't handle it. Is he just trying to push me off the edge? I really can't go through this anymore, i want to give up. I want to escape, but I'm stuck with this life and this reality. I want to leave but i can't.

My good friend was checking up on me and gave me this verse. It was the perfect verse at that time.

⁹ But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. ¹⁰ That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

2 Corinthians 12:9-10

Im feeling much better now. We sang You Hold Me Now at SPLOXA today, and it really spoke to me. The lyrics, i could truly relate, and listening to it again after all the craze, it was comforting, it was reassuring and it gave me all i wanted, to be held tight, to be loved. It opened the window of hope we should set out eyes on. Heaven.

No weeping.

No hurt or pain.

No suffering.

You hold me now.

No darkness.

No sick or lame.

No hiding.

You hold me now.

Im so ready to get that. To get to heaven, into that place with no pain, no tears and no suffering. But for now on earth, i will delight in my sufferings and my hardships because God is good and its with these pains i will grow stronger. For when i am weak, i am strong.

⁹ But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. ¹⁰ That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

2 Corinthians 12:9-10

Let It Shine.

Have you ever went to a mountain and looked around or sat in the middle of the field at night?

It's all pitch dark.

The earth below looks like a glowing map. Street lamps mark out tiny dots and lines of light, with our car headlights zooming up and down. As you enter a city (on a plane) you can see all the streetlights, building lights, and bill boards all lit up. There are thousands and thousands of lights. Both bright and dim, blinking and steady.

In Matthew 5:14-16 it says:

“You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven."

You are that city on a hill. that landmark in the darkness that no one can miss. You are the glow on the horizon. We should always be shining God's marvelous light to others. Old or young, male or female, Christian or non-Christian. It doesn't matter who. As long as the light is kept constant. It's something that no one can miss. We may stumble across some struggles or challenges but nothing is impossible through God. He's our strength. He's the one that keeps us going. Since he does all this why not share it to the world?

Renewal.

I've been picked up. Yes the past few days have been dark, and I was slipping up in the quicksand of sin, but i was renewed today. It all sparked from a friend who emailed me, with comfort, encouragement and support. She sent me Psalm 42 which i found extremely comforting, and when i read it in her email, i was moved, i felt something inside of me. I know for a fact that God placed her in my life and he was speaking to me through her. I cannot thank her or my God enough for that. After getting her message, i was moved to dive into his Word and i tried something new. I walked out to the park and spent a good hour in his Word, in worship and in prayer. During that time I went through three chapters of Psalms. Psalm 37, Psalm 40 andPsalm 42.

Going through the passages, i found comfort and peace in it. I couldnt exactly pinpoint what it was, but there were a few verses that stood out to me.

Psalm 37:23-24

^{23 23} The LORD directs the steps of the godly.
He delights in every detail of their lives.
²⁴ Though they stumble, they will never fall,
for the LORD holds them by the hand.

We will all stumble, in sin, falling short of God's glory, but with his almighty hand and love, he will make sure we stand back up and continue to walk by him. He's holding onto our hand, making sure we're safe and are not left behind. Its a great feeling knowing that someone is specifically watching out for you,

Psalm 37:39-40

³⁹ The LORD rescues the godly;
he is their fortress in times of trouble.
⁴⁰ The LORD helps them,
rescuing them from the wicked.
He saves them,
and they find shelter in him.

My fortress in times of trouble is my God. He will keep me still, calm my heart and give me peace in times of distress, and mess. He is the rock I hold onto. He rescues me from the wicked and shelters me under his loving and caring arms.

Psalm 40:2-3

² He lifted me out of the pit of despair,
out of the mud and the mire.
He set my feet on solid ground
and steadied me as I walked along.
³ He has given me a new song to sing,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see what he has done and be amazed.
They will put their trust in the LORD.

Psalm 40 came from my devotional, about how God lifts us out of trouble and that's exactly how i felt today. He's given me a new life, he has renewed me and given me a new slate. He's given me a new song, literally! I found this song after we sang it at church the other day, "You Alone Can Rescue" by Matt Redman. What a great reminder to how only God alone will sustain and lift us out of all darkness. The last part of verse 3 i think sums up evangelism. As Christians, we are Christ representatives and through our lives, hopefully many will see what God has done and will place their trust in the Lord as well. I myself know that there are a few people that look up to me, and it only motivates me more to set and be that example to not lead others astray.

Psalm 40:11-12

¹¹ LORD, don’t hold back your tender mercies from me.
Let your unfailing love and faithfulness always protect me.
¹² For troubles surround me—
too many to count!
My sins pile up so high
I can’t see my way out.
They outnumber the hairs on my head.
I have lost all courage.

"I have lost all courage." This is on the NLT version, it didnt show up on my bible during my reading today. Thats exactly how i felt this week. Like all was lost, nothing could fix this, that "my sins were piled up so high", having "troubles surround me", but God is good and will always protect me.

Psalm 42:1-3

¹ As the deer longs for streams of water,
so I long for you, O God.
² I thirst for God, the living God.
When can I go and stand before him?
³ Day and night I have only tears for food,
while my enemies continually taunt me, saying,
“Where is this God of yours?”

This was the passage my friend sent me. Throughout the entire passage, one line was repeated many many times, "Where is your God?". In times of trouble, we may ask that, others may ask us that. Where is your God? If you're Christian and you believe in this great God, where is he when you're struggling and are trudging through? The answer? Right next to me. There are times where he feels distant, and im sure thats exactly what i felt this week, but I think that its during these times where the true test of faith comes into play. When he feels distant (but really isnt), will you fall away from him? Its through these times you learn and you are strengthened. It is truly when we go to seek Christ is when we find true joy and peace in the love of our Father.

Ezekiel 37:23

²³ They will never again pollute themselves with their idols and vile images and rebellion, for I will save them from their sinful backsliding. I will cleanse them. Then they will truly be my people, and I will be their God.

This was the theme verse for TC (Teens Conference) this year. I find it really powerful. We will NEVER pollute ourselves of sin, of doubt, of guilt, of temptation, of pain, of struggle, of trouble, with our own thoughts, of sin, of pride, of idols, of sexual immorality, because God WILL save us. We are CLEANSED. This is who we have to be as a follower of God.

I feel renewed.

I feel risen.

What else can I say but PTL.

verse of the day: Psalm 42:8

⁸ But each day the LORD pours his unfailing love upon me,
and through each night I sing his songs,
praying to God who gives me life.

Truth.

Interesting how the previous post was also on truth, but today, i've decided to take on a different aspect of truth.

Throughout my life, it has only been recently that i've met people (like 2-3) that have truly been a friend to me and have stuck by me, and i've come to realize one important thing that i look for in a friend, or for that friend to be someone i can trust, share and be transparent with. This trait is being non-judgemental, and understanding. That no matter what i may say, no matter who i may be, what struggles i go through, they will not judge, and they will learn to understand and accept who i am, and what baggage i come with. There are certain friends that may joke around, and give you attitude, faces, or reactions when something may be revealed, and whether or not it is intended as a joke or not, it hurts.

I've also learnt that something extremely hard in any relationship is "speaking in truth and speaking in love". When you confront someone about something their doing, it is EXTREMELY difficult to do that without risking the break in a relationship. How exactly do you do that? How can you tell someone their doing some wrong without hurting their feelings or without discouraging them, or making it feel like you've gone against their back? I've learnt that the first step is the relationship itself. You have to build that friendship first, to gain trust, to get to know each other better, and then when you don confront your friend, they will know that you're doing it out of love. With this, i still find it really hard to confront others, without sounding like im against them.

Sometimes people come to me and speak the truth to me, and to be honest, lately, it hurts, a LOT. Although i know its to be constructive, and as a confrontation, but i've learnt that the truth really hurts sometimes. I think we all do take it personally sometimes, but we have to constantly be reminding ourselves that its them speaking out of love for us. The past week i've learnt that truth hurts, but i need to be constantly reminding myself that its for the good, and i truly appreciate the honesty. It means a LOT for someone to be able to say something like that, and it means a lot, but it just hurts.

Im not sure where im going with this post, but i will refer to this one verse, Proverbs 27:17,

Iron sharpens iron,

and one man sharpens another.

Although the truth might hurt, but friends are there to SHARPEN YOU. Sharpening isnt a nice smooth easy process, it hurts, but it makes you sharper, and stronger.

verse of the day: Ephesians 4:15

¹⁵ Rather,speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who isthe head, into Christ,

Strength.

1 Peter 5: 6-7

⁶ Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. ⁷ Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

I often find myself trying to carry my own burdens. This past year i realized that i couldn't. I needed God to help me. There were so many challenges that I've faced and this year i want to lift it all to God. He's our strength and He can do anything. Without him we would be nothing.

God wants us to give him the weight. Let the Lord Lift. Let him carry. He loves you. His finger can move mountains. His arm can hold up the universe. His eyes can see right into the deepest places of your heart. He sees what you are carrying alone. Let him carry it.

Run!

Isaiah 40:28-31

²⁸ Do you not know?

Have you not heard?

The LORD is the everlasting God,

the Creator of the ends of the earth.

He will not grow tired or weary,

and his understanding no one can fathom.

²⁹ He gives strength to the weary

and increases the power of the weak.

³⁰ Even youths grow tired and weary,

and young men stumble and fall;

³¹ but those who hope in the LORD

will renew their strength.

They will soar on wings like eagles;

they will run and not grow weary,

they will walk and not be faint.

When you run in a race what's the purpose of it? Why do people keep pushing themselves, even when they're tired? We often keep running until we just can't anymore. We have things in our spiritual lives where we're running and running and just don't stop, even when we're tired. God wants you to enjoy your spiritual life. He doesn't want you to become weary or for it to ever become boring. He wants you to be strengthened and renewed. He wants to you feel you are running well - he wants you to be a winner, not a loser.

Hold you hands in victory above your head. Close your eyes. Breathe in and out deeply. Picture God filling you with strength. Filling you with encouragement. With joy in a race well run. With a reminder that it is for him and to him you run.

I often find myself pushing myself to do my best, even when the task is somewhat boring. When i look back at what i have done, i realized that i could have done it so much better if i slowed myself down. I always find myself rushing myself and i don't learn as much. I realized that i should slow myself down and let God guide me, instead of me running ahead of the plans.

Slow and steady wins the race.

Be Still.

After doing "I Lift My Hands" for worship yesterday, i really found comfort in the song. And listening to it, and singing it was really reassuring and it really calms my heart and my soul. Here are a few of the words that really touch me.

"be still, there is a healer

his love is deeper than the sea.

his mercy it is unfailing

his arms, a fortress for the weak."

"i lift my hands to believe again,

he is my refuge, he is my strength,

as i pour out my heart, these things, i remember

you are faithful God, forever."

Be still, KNOWING that someone is there that loves you.

A fortress for those who are weak. Thats all of us. He is my refuge and he is my strength.

Refuge and Strength. Knowing someone so strong, powerful and almighty, someone that created the universe is by your side.

Faithful forever. That God is always there, never to abandon you or backstab you.

Someone about these lyrics, the passion, the melody is sticking to me and its a great reminder that there's nothing to worry about, nothing to be afraid, but just to remember God is good all day. Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow.

Why?

We always wonder why God picks US to do certain challenges.
Rick Warren says, "With God’s Spirit working in us and through us, we can get through what we’re going through."

I think this is something that stood out to me the most. Going through all these challenges in 2011 till now. math. Who knows what I'm going to end up with but through God, anything is possible.
He puts us through these challenges for us to rejoice and learn from the experiences. He'll NEVER give us a challenge that we can't conquer. It may take minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, maybe even years.

I have a friend that I've knows since JK. We even played soccer together every single recess in grade 1-2. He was like my brother. I waited for 11 years for him to open up to me. It took a while but it happen. I wanted to just give up during the process but there was something blocking me. Something that pushed me further to make him open up. It was God. He gave me the wisdom and strength to pull through. To keep him accountable, check up on him every now and then.

And now, we talk almost everyday he shares his most deepest and darkest secrets. I'm truly thankful for God. Although i really wanted to give up, He's the one that kept me going.

Getting through what you’re going through requires a shift. Instead of asking, “Why me?” ask, “What do I do with this, God?”

-Rick Warren.

Someone Bigger, Someone Better.

Walking to school today, i realized something really important. God is on our side. Being the person i am, im never really confident about myself, and i need MUCH reassurance to feel like something's good to go.

God is on our side. And this isnt just an ordinary person. He's the CREATOR of the UNIVERSE, he's the KING of KINGS, he conquered death and defeated the devil. The list goes on and on and on. HE is the one standing with me? Thats... quite the honour. HE's got my back? HE's on MY side? What can stop me? There's nothing to be scared about, and nothing to worry about if you got the BIG GUY on your side.

Now the only concern is YOU. Are you going to put your trust in this King, this God? Or are you going to try to make it all your way and not give up?

My own personal struggle is that i dont have this full trust in God and sometimes, i feel like i dont fully understand exactly how powerful and how amazing this person i believe in is. I dont believe he's "all that great", and im sure thats one of the factors hindering me from moving forward in my faith.

I love realizing things like this.

Someone bigger. Someone better. On MY SIDE? thats mindblowing. Why me. but he chose me. and he has chosen you too. Its up to you whether or not you'll accept his offer.