there's a plank...

Who am I to judge?

Who are you to judge?

We are equal in sin.

One of the biggest qualities i look in a friend is that they aren't judging. That I can be my 100% self around them, ask the stupidest questions and not get a glare, or a "really? you didn't know that?" or a "do you live under a rock?". Sarcastic or serious, it hurts. And who are we to judge each other. We are equal in sin, equally at fault, and have all fallen short of God's glory.

“Do not judge, or you too will be judged. ² For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.
³ “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? ⁴ How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? ⁵ You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.

Matthew 7:1-5

We tend to judge others a lot, whether its shown obviously or just judging another on the inside. I know that I most definitely do, especially with first impressions. I think the root of it is pride. Thinking you are higher above, or better than others, but the truth is we are all equal. The one that stole is no better or worse than the one who committed murder. We constantly are looking for faults in another person, trying to compare ourselves to make us feel better about ourselves.

I know many times, especially at church, judging others is an issue. I think its because many of us that attend church have been there for a while now, know all the "standards and expectations" as Christians, and once a flaw is noticed, its immediately beaten down. It develops a negative atmosphere, and people don't feel welcomed. God made people, friends and community so we can feel loved and build each other up and not tear each other down. When we judge, we look at others and not ourselves. Like it says in the passage above, why are we talking about the speck of dust in another's eye when we clearly have a plank in ours.

Don't judge, but love each other. We all have faults and we all stumble, but we should be there for other, to help each other up, not to cast stones to keep others on the ground.

⁷ When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.”

John 8:7 

Endure! - Part 1

¹⁹ Therefore, brothers and sisters, since we have confidence to enter the Most Holy Place by the blood of Jesus, ²⁰ by a new and living way opened for us through the curtain, that is, his body, ²¹and since we have a great priest over the house of God, ²²let us draw near to God with a sincere heart and with the full assurance that faith brings, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. ²³Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. ²⁴ And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, ²⁵ not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.

²⁶ If we deliberately keep on sinning after we have received the knowledge of the truth, no sacrifice for sins is left, ²⁷ but only a fearful expectation of judgment and of raging fire that will consume the enemies of God.

Hebrews 10:19-27

Lately, you can see that my posts have been more topic based instead of passage based, and i can feel the gap between his Word and my life, and its weak. Im starting to really realize the power of his Word, how it is the bread of life. Indulging in it is a must, if you stop, you start to stray away.

I came across this passage while flipping through my bible, and its under "A Call to Persevere". There's more to it and i'll make it the next post, like a MINI MINI series. At this moment in time, there's been a lot i've been trying to push through, and there's been little glimmers of hope that are pushing me through. God will last and not leave my side, so putting my hope in Him is the best choice.

How sure are you of your salvation? (v.22) I remember at my baptism interview, i was asked "if you were to die right now, would you go to heaven or hell?" I remember answering hell. Because of all the things and sins i've committed, there was no way i was near that "perfect" Christian that deserves heaven. Oh boy was i wrong. God hands this gift out to each and every one of us, we take it when we repent and believe in Him. It still took me many many years after to fully understand the assurance of my salvation. Only until recently, I came to realize that my name is already up in heaven in the book of life, that i can say that i AM going to heaven. Christ is my God and my Saviour, and i've dedicated my life to him, no matter how hard the road may be. His life and his sacrifice has cleansed our hearts. We now have the help of the holy spirit, we can be stronger in becoming righteous in a holy manner. May we live our lives each month, each week and each day glorifying God in ALL we do.

Hope. (v.23) we're always looking for hope. It times of trouble especially. We must hold onto Christ because his will keep his promises. That he will one day descend from heaven and will end all sin, all pain, when judgement day will arrive. I await that day. I think i tend to forget this promise and thus lose hope easily.

While on earth, with these challenges and hardships, we cannot do it alone (v. 24-25). I remember struggling through things, and i remember focusing on Philippians 4:13 "i can do all things through Christ" that was my motivator. And as true as that was, i was strong enough, and i had to have other people. Thats why God made people. So we can work and help each other get through trials and troubles. Its always nice to know there's someone there for you, someone you can talk to. Find accountability. Find community. Find support. Find unity. You'll find a good group of people you can talk to, share with, be transparent with and can open up to. Its so important.

If you say that you are a follower of Christ, you are his child and his representative. If you know that God does not like sin, yet you continue to do so, it isn't right. (v.26-27) But God is a good God. He gives us free will. You can do whatever you want. He won't stop you and wont force you. If you continue to indulge in the world, then he'll just wait, hoping for the day you turn back to him. Judgement day is coming for all of us. God will go through all of us, one by one, looking through what we've done, if we were true followers and servants of Christ.

We have continue to fight and push forward.

Salvation is assured for us.

There is hope in God's love and promises.

He's given us people that will support and encourage us.

We cannot go back to our usual desires and sinful habits.

¹² Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.

Romans 12:12

Road to Calvary (II)

After Jesus' prayer for himself, his disciples, and for us, he is betrayed by Judas as he knew and expected.

1 When Jesus had spoken these words, he went out with his disciples across the brook Kidron, where there was a garden, which he and his disciples entered. 2 Now Judas, who betrayed him, also knew the place, for Jesus often met there with his disciples. 3 So Judas, having procured a band of soldiers and some officers from the chief priests and the Pharisees, went there with lanterns and torches and weapons. 4 Then Jesus, knowing all that would happen to him, came forward and said to them, “Whom do you seek?” 5 They answered him, “Jesus of Nazareth.” Jesus said to them, “I am he.” Judas, who betrayed him, was standing with them. 6 When Jesus said to them, “I am he,” they drew back and fell to the ground. 7 So he asked them again, “Whom do you seek?” And they said, “Jesus of Nazareth.” 8 Jesus answered, “I told you that I am he. So, if you seek me, let these men go.” 9 This was to fulfill the word that he had spoken: “Of those whom you gave me I have lost not one.” 10 Then Simon Peter, having a sword, drew it and struck the high priest's servant and cut off his right ear. (The servant's name was Malchus.) 11 So Jesus said to Peter, “Put your sword into its sheath; shall I not drink the cup that the Father has given me?”

John 18:1-11

We've heard this story several times, and we've always learnt and have known Judas as the "bad guy". But when I was thinking about this passage today, and reading it over, i think that Judas truly represents all of us. We have all betrayed Jesus, we have all gone against him, behind his back, and have fallen short of his glory.

And its okay, we are human, we are sinners and we cannot be perfect and holy. But as Christ followers, we have to strive for this holiness, for this righteousness to become like and imitate God. If we say we are followers yet still indulge in the things of this world, thats being two-faced and it doesn't present a good representation of Christ. In this world we are called to be light, and everyone is looking at us. Your actions, and speech as Christians can easily make impressions on others, whether it may be positive, negative, accurate or inaccurate.

The last two verses real stuck out to me. When Simon uses a sword and slices off the servant's ear. Thinking about it now, and thinking about how impulsive he was, I think many times as Christians, as we start to build our faith, after we pass the early stages, we can easily develop as "Holier Than Thou" attitude, and I think we easily judge others very quickly as well. Like Simon, instead of cutting off an ear, we'd say "oh we're better than that person", "oh he's does this, when he shouldn't be doing it", but we really should be looking at ourselves. Everyone is equal in sin. Jesus says to him, "shall i not drink the cup my father gives me?". I found this as a really odd statement, why would he say such a thing? I think he's trying to say that because Jesus knows it is apart of God's plan for him to die, he needs to obey and follow it, (drinking the cup) and execute and fulfill his purpose.

One last thing i noticed was how calm Jesus was. Although he knew his plan for him, he was calm. For us, i think we often are scared and would panic because we don't know his plan for us, but Jesus' plan was death. Yet he had such great faith in God, ready for whatever he has in store for him.

As this final week before Easter arrives, continue to reflect and think about, how you are representing Christ, after understanding and knowing what kind of person he is.

¹⁰The death he died, he died to sin once for all; but the life he lives, he lives to God. ¹¹In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus. ¹²Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its evil desires.

Romans 6:10-12

Road To Calvary (I)

Since it is the final week before Easter comes around, i decided that I wanted to dedicate this week to Jesus' road to Calvary. Im planning to go through his last moments on earth, everyday, starting from John 17 (not sure why i picked there). Here goes. May God speak to you and me through his Word.

¹ After Jesus said this, he looked toward heaven and prayed:

“Father, the hour has come. Glorify your Son, that your Son may glorify you. ² For you granted him authority over all people that he might give eternal life to all those you have given him. ³ Now this is eternal life: that they know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom you have sent. ⁴ I have brought you glory on earth by finishing the work you gave me to do. ⁵ And now, Father, glorify me in your presence with the glory I had with you before the world began.

Jesus Prays for His Disciples

⁶ “I have revealed you to those whom you gave me out of the world. They were yours; you gave them to me and they have obeyed your word. ⁷ Now they know that everything you have given me comes from you. ⁸ For I gave them the words you gave me and they accepted them. They knew with certainty that I came from you, and they believed that you sent me.⁹ I pray for them. I am not praying for the world, but for those you have given me, for they are yours. ¹⁰All I have is yours, and all you have is mine. And glory has come to me through them. ¹¹ I will remain in the world no longer, but they are still in the world, and I am coming to you. Holy Father, protect them by the power of your name, the name you gave me, so that they may be one as we are one. ¹² While I was with them, I protected them and kept them safe bythat name you gave me. None has been lost except the one doomed to destruction so that Scripture would be fulfilled.

¹³ “I am coming to you now, but I say these things while I am still in the world, so that they may have the full measure of my joy within them. ¹⁴ I have given them your word and the world has hated them, for they are not of the world any more than I am of the world. ¹⁵ My prayer is not that you take them out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one. ¹⁶ They are not of the world, even as I am not of it. ¹⁷ Sanctify them by the truth; your word is truth. ¹⁸ As you sent me into the world, I have sent them into the world. ¹⁹ For them I sanctify myself, that they too may be truly sanctified.

Jesus Prays for All Believers

²⁰ “My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message,²¹ that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me. ²²I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one— ²³ I in them and you in me—so that they may be brought to complete unity. Then the world will know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me.

²⁴ “Father, I want those you have given me to be with me where I am, and to see my glory, the glory you have given me because you loved me before the creation of the world.

²⁵ “Righteous Father, though the world does not know you, I know you, and they know that you have sent me. ²⁶ I have made you known to them, and will continue to make you known in order that the love you have for me may be in them and that I myself may be in them.”

John 17

After reading through and listening to what Jesus said in this prayer, there's really a lot of context here. So i'll try to break it down, or just share first thoughts that came to my mind. In the text i was reading in, ESV, i didn't know it was split into so many parts, but i guess that'll be an advantage.

Verses 1-5, when reading this, i thought that this could also be a prayer we should be praying to God with. He talks about glorifying God with his life (v.2) just as we should be with our speech, and actions, living as a holy and pleasing sacrifice. It also hints about our purpose on this earth. Christ's purpose was to be sent to die, carrying the sins of mankind, granting us salvation and forgiveness for those who believe and repent. But for us, can we say v.4 before we leave the earth? That we've brought glory to his plan?

Verses 6-19, going through this, i can really see how Christ is the connection between us and God. Like that cartoon i've seen where the cross is the bridge between earth and heaven. In these verses I feel like he's really talking FOR us. For instance, he says protect them (v.11). He's really talking for us, wanting the best for us, but something extremely important is that he's praying for those who have accepted the truth (v.8-9). He states very clearly that he is praying for them (those who accepted the word), NOT the world. Reading this section over and over, you can really see how much God has loved us. He talks about how he's protected us while he was on earth, but now that he's leaving he hopes God can provide and watch for us (v.11-12). The rest of the verses continue to show his connection with us, being the link between the sinful and the holy. Verse 16 dives right back into being representatives of Christ, of living IN this world, not OF this world. As followers of Christ we must live and strive to imitate him. Jesus knows that following him is hard, and the world will hate you because you are going against the current, the trends, but its a fight (v.14).

Verses 20-26 are similar to the section before, but instead, Christ is praying for all the believers versus his disciples earlier. But no only does Jesus pray for the believers, he adds in the non believers too. He knows that there are people who do not believe, and that he proclaimed his name, radiating God's love to others, and he hopes that that can continue to happen through his disciples and through us. Thats one of the more general purposes we have on this earth, to share his love and good news to others.

Reading and going through this passage, I think i've finally opened up and have seen Christ's love for me. I've always felt distant from his death and sacrifice because it happened so long ago, but reading his prayer, it really shows his love for us as we see him speaking for us.

⁹ This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. ¹⁰This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. ¹¹ Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. ¹² No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.

1 John 4:9-11

broken, fragmented

Easter is fast approaching, and we have to take the time to reflect on our Saviour's sacrifice. Christ was beaten, battered, spat on, speared, cussed at, all the horrible, painful things one could ever imagine. He bore all that for us. He took on the sin of the world, the sin of mankind upon his shoulders and on the cross. WE were the ones that nailed him to that cross.

He was broken for us. But he made us whole.

Without him, our lives have no purpose, because of God he has made me who i am now, with a reason on this earth, with a specific route and plan for my life. He's given me people who i can be accountable with, people who support and love me. To bind us, unifying us, and making us whole. It is through Christ we have come together. Praise God.

As Easter comes along, think about who he went through for us, and what he has done for us by doing so.

²³ For I pass on to you what I received from the Lord himself. On the night when he was betrayed, the Lord Jesus took some bread ²⁴ and gave thanks to God for it. Then he broke it in pieces and said, “This is my body, which is given for you. Do this to remember me.”

1 Corinthians 11:23-24

Temptation.

We all get tempted by Satan. It's the test of faith, whether or not we fall into it or resist it.
There are multiple ways of temptations. It may be from peers, family, teachers, it comes from just about anyone.

God gives us the many temptations to face so that he can test how strong our faith with him is. Trust is such an important role in this relationship that you have with Christ. Without it, there will be no right relationship. We need to give our full trust in God and believe that his plans for you are perfect.

Through many challenges and struggles, you may think that God isn't there for you when actually, he's standing right beside you. He never leaves your side. Through and temptations that you fall into God's there beside you, just reach up and grab his hand.

The Valley of Dry Bones

¹ The LORD took hold of me, and I was carried away by the Spirit of the LORD to a valley filled with bones. ² He led me all around among the bones that covered the valley floor. They were scattered everywhere across the ground and were completely dried out. ³ Then he asked me, “Son of man, can these bones become living people again?”

“O Sovereign LORD,” I replied, “you alone know the answer to that.”

⁴ Then he said to me, “Speak a prophetic message to these bones and say, ‘Dry bones, listen to the word of the LORD! ⁵ This is what the Sovereign LORD says: Look! I am going to put breath into you and make you live again!⁶ I will put flesh and muscles on you and cover you with skin. I will put breath into you, and you will come to life. Then you will know that I am the LORD.’”

⁷ So I spoke this message, just as he told me. Suddenly as I spoke, there was a rattling noise all across the valley. The bones of each body came together and attached themselves as complete skeletons.⁸ Then as I watched, muscles and flesh formed over the bones. Then skin formed to cover their bodies, but they still had no breath in them.

⁹ Then he said to me, “Speak a prophetic message to the winds, son of man. Speak a prophetic message and say, ‘This is what the Sovereign LORD says: Come, O breath, from the four winds! Breathe into these dead bodies so they may live again.’”

¹⁰ So I spoke the message as he commanded me, and breath came into their bodies. They all came to life and stood up on their feet—a great army.

¹¹ Then he said to me, “Son of man, these bones represent the people of Israel. They are saying, ‘We have become old, dry bones—all hope is gone. Our nation is finished.’ ¹² Therefore, prophesy to them and say, ‘This is what the Sovereign LORD says: O my people, I will open your graves of exile and cause you to rise again. Then I will bring you back to the land of Israel.¹³ When this happens, O my people, you will know that I am the LORD.¹⁴ I will put my Spirit in you, and you will live again and return home to your own land. Then you will know that I, the LORD, have spoken, and I have done what I said. Yes, the LORD has spoken!’”

Ezekiel 37:1-14

Today I wanted to look back into the theme verse for TC this year. I think its a very powerful and compelling verse, from Ezekiel 37:23. It says,

²³ They will never again pollute themselves with their idols and vile images and rebellion, for I will save them from their sinful backsliding. I will cleanse them. Then they will truly be my people, and I will be their God.

I wanted to read more about what context it was in, but when reading Ezekiel 37, i found the first bit really intriguing, so today I want to talk about that. The Valley of Dry Bones.

Reading this passage, (verses 1-14) I am still a bit lost in what context it is in, but the scripture was very interesting. To sum it up, it talks about walking through a valley of bones and how the Lord will speak and breathe life into them. It even goes into detail with the tendon and flesh forming.

Two portions of this passage stood out to me,

verse 5-6,

⁵ This is what the Sovereign LORD says: Look! I am going to put breath into you and make you live again! ⁶ I will put flesh and muscles on you and cover you with skin. I will put breath into you, and you will come to life. Then you will know that I am the LORD.’”

It says I will do this, I am going to do that, I, I, I meaning God. He is the one that is breathing in life into us. He is granting us the Holy Spirit and purpose when we believe in him. No one and nothing can give us that. No materialistic thing, no friend or relationship can give us that permanent joy and satisfaction.

I think there are three stages illustrated within this bit of the passage. First, we are all just dry bones (v.1). This is before we've come to Christ or even heard of him. We're dead, dry bones with no meaning, no purpose, not attached to anything, on our own. Then later in the passage when prophesied, the bones came to life, "the bones came together" "and tendons and flesh appeared on them and skin covered them", but the most important part, "there was no breath in them" (v. 7-8). I think you can take this stage as hearing about God, and starting to see his love, his life, his grace and his mercy for us. BUT, there is no breath in us. The last stage is when life is breathed into us. And when "breath enters them, they came to life and stood up on their feet, a vast army" (v. 10). When we've repented and have turned away from sin, fully committing and dedicating our life to our Lord and Saviour, that is when we can true stand up on our feet and be apart of this "vast army". An army for God as we fight for his glory, fight against the devil and the temptations Satan may bring our way.

verse 12-14,

¹² Therefore, prophesy to them and say, ‘This is what the Sovereign LORD says: O my people, I will open your graves of exile and cause you to rise again. Then I will bring you back to the land of Israel. ¹³ When this happens, O my people, you will know that I am the LORD. ¹⁴ I will put my Spirit in you, and you will live again and return home to your own land. Then you will know that I, the LORD, have spoken, and I have done what I said. Yes, the LORD has spoken!’”

Like that verse (Colossians 2:13), we were once dead, but God has given us new life, and has "opened our graves", "causing us to rise again". By giving our lives to God, he has given us much more, a greater life, and a greater purpose. God has already gifted us with eternal life, and because of that, let us run the race, and fight the good fight!

Renewal.

I've been picked up. Yes the past few days have been dark, and I was slipping up in the quicksand of sin, but i was renewed today. It all sparked from a friend who emailed me, with comfort, encouragement and support. She sent me Psalm 42 which i found extremely comforting, and when i read it in her email, i was moved, i felt something inside of me. I know for a fact that God placed her in my life and he was speaking to me through her. I cannot thank her or my God enough for that. After getting her message, i was moved to dive into his Word and i tried something new. I walked out to the park and spent a good hour in his Word, in worship and in prayer. During that time I went through three chapters of Psalms. Psalm 37, Psalm 40 andPsalm 42.

Going through the passages, i found comfort and peace in it. I couldnt exactly pinpoint what it was, but there were a few verses that stood out to me.

Psalm 37:23-24

^{23 23} The LORD directs the steps of the godly.
He delights in every detail of their lives.
²⁴ Though they stumble, they will never fall,
for the LORD holds them by the hand.

We will all stumble, in sin, falling short of God's glory, but with his almighty hand and love, he will make sure we stand back up and continue to walk by him. He's holding onto our hand, making sure we're safe and are not left behind. Its a great feeling knowing that someone is specifically watching out for you,

Psalm 37:39-40

³⁹ The LORD rescues the godly;
he is their fortress in times of trouble.
⁴⁰ The LORD helps them,
rescuing them from the wicked.
He saves them,
and they find shelter in him.

My fortress in times of trouble is my God. He will keep me still, calm my heart and give me peace in times of distress, and mess. He is the rock I hold onto. He rescues me from the wicked and shelters me under his loving and caring arms.

Psalm 40:2-3

² He lifted me out of the pit of despair,
out of the mud and the mire.
He set my feet on solid ground
and steadied me as I walked along.
³ He has given me a new song to sing,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see what he has done and be amazed.
They will put their trust in the LORD.

Psalm 40 came from my devotional, about how God lifts us out of trouble and that's exactly how i felt today. He's given me a new life, he has renewed me and given me a new slate. He's given me a new song, literally! I found this song after we sang it at church the other day, "You Alone Can Rescue" by Matt Redman. What a great reminder to how only God alone will sustain and lift us out of all darkness. The last part of verse 3 i think sums up evangelism. As Christians, we are Christ representatives and through our lives, hopefully many will see what God has done and will place their trust in the Lord as well. I myself know that there are a few people that look up to me, and it only motivates me more to set and be that example to not lead others astray.

Psalm 40:11-12

¹¹ LORD, don’t hold back your tender mercies from me.
Let your unfailing love and faithfulness always protect me.
¹² For troubles surround me—
too many to count!
My sins pile up so high
I can’t see my way out.
They outnumber the hairs on my head.
I have lost all courage.

"I have lost all courage." This is on the NLT version, it didnt show up on my bible during my reading today. Thats exactly how i felt this week. Like all was lost, nothing could fix this, that "my sins were piled up so high", having "troubles surround me", but God is good and will always protect me.

Psalm 42:1-3

¹ As the deer longs for streams of water,
so I long for you, O God.
² I thirst for God, the living God.
When can I go and stand before him?
³ Day and night I have only tears for food,
while my enemies continually taunt me, saying,
“Where is this God of yours?”

This was the passage my friend sent me. Throughout the entire passage, one line was repeated many many times, "Where is your God?". In times of trouble, we may ask that, others may ask us that. Where is your God? If you're Christian and you believe in this great God, where is he when you're struggling and are trudging through? The answer? Right next to me. There are times where he feels distant, and im sure thats exactly what i felt this week, but I think that its during these times where the true test of faith comes into play. When he feels distant (but really isnt), will you fall away from him? Its through these times you learn and you are strengthened. It is truly when we go to seek Christ is when we find true joy and peace in the love of our Father.

Ezekiel 37:23

²³ They will never again pollute themselves with their idols and vile images and rebellion, for I will save them from their sinful backsliding. I will cleanse them. Then they will truly be my people, and I will be their God.

This was the theme verse for TC (Teens Conference) this year. I find it really powerful. We will NEVER pollute ourselves of sin, of doubt, of guilt, of temptation, of pain, of struggle, of trouble, with our own thoughts, of sin, of pride, of idols, of sexual immorality, because God WILL save us. We are CLEANSED. This is who we have to be as a follower of God.

I feel renewed.

I feel risen.

What else can I say but PTL.

verse of the day: Psalm 42:8

⁸ But each day the LORD pours his unfailing love upon me,
and through each night I sing his songs,
praying to God who gives me life.

My World vs The World

"a very personal reflection"

Over the break, rotting away, i've gotten to chance to really think about what im going through. I feel like my life is a mess. Not in an obvious way though, but on the inside, a tornado has torn through and everything is everywhere. Doubt has flooded in and negativity radiates in my mind. Things still feel like they're up in the air, im not sure what to make of it, how much of it is true and how much of it is my mind playing tricks on me. Everything's just a big mess.

Thinking more each day, today i came to this conclusion. My World vs The World.

The World. By saying this, i mean the standards of this world. I guess more towards the academic/future world. Im not trying to boast or anything, just be clear of that. Personally, i havent felt stressed about the entire university thing. I feel very calm, prepared, and im ready for God to guide me wherever he desires. I've always wanted to follow him, but sometimes i can never tell where he wants me to be. The university dilemma, i've always thought, if you make it, you make it. If you dont make it, you dont. I feel like my marks are fine, and will get me where i want to go and i already have gotten offers. I think this is THE WORLD. The things "The World" worries about and cares about. And i feel like i've got that down.

My World. This is in reference to inside, my inner self. From social/physical/emotional side of things. You may or may not have noticed, but loneliness is one of the biggest things i struggle with i think one can say. There are so many things that im dealing with that i want to get rid of, and i want to discover the roots and really destroy it from there instead of the surface pains. From loneliness sprouted the missing sense of feeling good about myself, and about life, from that grew the urge to feel good, which blossomed into temporary satisfaction and sins. The chain continues, as doubt/guilt/anxiety fill in the gaping holes and to be honest im a bit scared of where this may/can lead to. Depression? Suicidal thoughts (but i dont think i have to guts to even attempt that)?

Solution? I honestly dont know. Thinking about all this stuff, from simple things, seeing people together and seeing myself alone, I've been thinking, what is worth living for? If the things of this world is going to fade and deteriorate, why are we still living? Whats the point of all this. Being able to vent out to someone is the best, and im happy i have a PINCH of these people. Talking to him reminded me of so many things. Living for God. He should be enough to live for. And although, yes that is the answer, but sadly i feel like my faith isnt strong enough to say that yet. I feel like many people see me as the mature spiritual one, but when i reflect on it, i dont think im anywhere near spiritual maturity.

So what is the answer? First off, another reminder from the same friend. We're in the midst of Teens Conference at the moment, and he talked to me about their bible study on Hosea. It talked about Hosea and Gomer (who was a prostitute). Throughout the entire passage, Gomer was constantly being unfaithful to Hosea, and long story short, Gomer represents us as Christians and Hosea represents Christ. We are CONSTANTLY going against Christ yet he is still committed to us, continues to love and forgive us. No matter who we are, what we do, God forever loves us. This boggles my mind that God is so willing to care for us and i've even thought, "why is he so stupid for not leaving me. i've done so many things to hurt him and he's just standing there just readying himself to get hurt again". But God is good. All the time.

So we got that down. God forever loves and forgives us when we are unfaithful. But now what? How will this rid of my loneliness, doubt, guilt, and pain? Again, we always point towards the Word. Are you indulging in it everyday? Are you truly spending time with our Saviour? And i confess and admit. No. Im not. And i need to be and should be. But I honestly can say, i dont have the motivation. Why? Im not sure. Why do i allow other things, tv shows, homework, scholarships, overpower and allow devotions and scripture reading to be pushed aside? I need a push. Still a weak Christian, i have lots to learn. I need to fully realize this and i need to put it into action.

Lastly (for now), accountability. I have this with a few people, my pastor who is also my mentor, a close friend or two are there to support me and get me through these rough times. I think i got this down. But if you're reading this and you're going through something, tell someone. A brother and sister in Christ who is spiritually mature and whom you can trust. Accountability is so important. I remember when i first started, i kept telling myself, i can do this with God. All things are possible with Christ right? That is true, but i MYSELF cannot overcome it and be victorious. That's why we are a church and are a family. We are there to support each other. That's why there is fellowship, that's why there is accountability and support, that's why God made other people, for support, love and encouragement. Find that person for you!

More solutions? Im unsure of at the moment. I'll stop here. My process is still going, im still thinking, still reflecting. But at this moment, i can say im at a lower point in life. Feeling lost, sad, alone, and in a blur.

verse of the day: Proverbs 3:5-8

⁵ Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
and do not lean on your own understanding.
⁶ In all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make straight your paths.
⁷ Be not wise in your own eyes;
fear the Lord, and turn away from evil.
⁸ It will be healing to your flesh
and refreshment to your bones.

more joy

Yesterday, before my driving lesson, i quickly ran to subway to grab lunch because i was too lazy to cook and there wasnt anything at home to eat. The main story is in the line at subway there was just a lot of drama going on. The two people before me, one had all these complications and requests and the construction worker behind her got fired up and they started arguing, and in the end she let him go first. While i was making my order, a family comes in with a boy who was loud. Not in an annoying way, just expressing himself a lot. "Wow, is that my sandwich?" "That's beautiful!". It really made my day. He was so adorable and just radiating joy and happiness. He had no worries, he had no complaints, he was living his life a day at a time, enjoying every moment of it. Right before i went to pay, he said hi to me and i said hi back and told his mom that he's absolutely adorable. The first thing she said to me was "he has autism".

I didnt think that at all. After I paid, I left and on the walk home i started to think. Thinking about how much joy he has in his life. How happy he was. Even though he was autistic. I have no clue what he's gone through, rejection, or pain. The past day or two i've also been thinking about myself. About what i've gone though, from loneliness, to acting upon it, sinning, and im scared of what those things will lead to. But thinking about, i think God was really trying to speak to me within that 10 min time period. To rejoice, to live each moment with joy knowing we've been saved, we're forgiven and we're loved.

Having faith in God, and believing that He has saved us has secured us a spot in heaven. Now we have to continue to live out his name and his life to share the great news with others.

²² So also you have sorrow now, but I will see you again, andyour hearts will rejoice, and no one will take your joy from you. ²³ In that day you will ask nothing of me. Truly, truly, I say to you, whatever you ask of the Father in my name,he will give it to you. ²⁴ Until now you have asked nothing in my name. Ask, and you will receive, that your joy may be full.

John 16:22-25

Morning Class,

Good Morning Class,

Good Afternoon Class,

Good Evening Class,

Good Night Class.

God is constantly instructing us and teaching us what is right, what is wrong, what pleases him and what angers him. In the verse today, Psalm 25:8 it says,

Good and upright is the Lord;

therefore he instructs sinners in the way.

Instructs SINNERS. Thats you. Thats me. Thats each and everyone of us. Right now, im in a very guilty, disappointed, frustrated moment. And although it says sinners, i cant help to think that im just too sinful to be "enrolled" in this class. That i've done wrong so immensely that i dont deserve it, i dont deserve anything.

But im being reminded that we are all equal in sin. There is no sin that is greater than another and there is no amount of sin that pushes you off the "forgive-worthy" scale. God loves each of us unconditionally no matter what wrong we've done to him, and sometimes its hard to grasp and believe.

Lord, i am a sinner. I have sinned against you, each day, each week and each month. But thank you for loving me and being willing to take me in as your child to instruct me. Open my eyes, grant me wisdom and strength to fight temptation, and to overcome what the Devil tries to trick me with. You are a good and gracious God and i am unworthy to be called your child, yet you still love me.

hidden away

God sees all. And although he has the power to see all, there are many things we still try to hide from him. Sins especially.

Like when Adam and Eve, after they ate the apple from the forbidden tree in the garden of Eden, they immediately tried to hide, cover themselves up for the sin they committed. I think i've realized this a lot too. Before sin, temptation looks so enticing and delicious, and you get closer and closer, and inch by inch it teases you to fall in, and after you taste it, a lick, a drop, or a bite, you immediately see. Like Adam and Eve, their eyes TRULY opened, and i feel like the same happens. Your eyes open and you truly see how disgusting and filthy you are from stepping into the sin. Immediately you want to hide it, pretend like it never happened. But the truth is, God knows, and he sees it.

The thing we need to do is admit, confess, and repent. Ecclesiastes 12:14 says,

¹⁴ For God will bring every deed into judgment, with every secret thing, whether good or evil.

God will bring everything you do into the light. And you will be judged for it. BUT if you do confess and be honest to God about it, he will be forgiving and will give you another chance.

Are you still hiding your sins? Whats stopping you from bringing it into the light?

In The Process: Lent

It has already been an official week of lent! We started on the 22nd of February, and here we are! There are a few things that i've noticed with lent, and today's devotional brought it up, so i decided to reflect on it. First of all, Lent is a 40 day period before easter, where you give up something for the Lord. It can be chocolate, it can be social networking, it can be coffee, anything that was apart of your life. It is so that you can use that time to reflect and spend more time with God.

For me personally, i've decided to give up twitter. Its my first time lenting, (since i always seem to forget and not know when it starts) and i've actually found it extremely effective, especially the first few days. It was difficult, to delete the app, take off the bookmark, delete the SMS twitter contact, and just stripping it away, and having it change literally overnight. But I remember clearly, i would go on the computer and cursor would automatically go to the spot where twitter was, but it was gone, and every single time i did that, i thought of God instead. Every time i wanted to tweet off my phone, i'd think of God. I'd remember the reason im doing this, and it kept him in my mind.

Like I said, Lent is a time where you give up something, so you have more time to think of God and reflect on his greatness, today's devo said,

Lent is a good time to go back to “the beginning of the good news,” recognizing that we are still capable of sin even though we believe in and follow Jesus. His Spirit is working in us, but (in this life) we are not yet made perfect. ~ Today's Devotional

Reflecting, that "we are still capable of sin even though we believe in and follow Jesus". The devo was about repentance, and im sure we all have sins we need to confess and turn away from. I know I for one do. Use this time of lent, instead of going on twitter, or getting that cup of coffee each day, to focus more on God, and how to be more like him.

I remember reading a tweet before lent started saying "the moment when God can send his son to die on cross, but we cant give up social networking". It just shows our priorities and how much we invest our time and effort into things.

Are you lenting? If so, how's it going? If not, is there something you can give up for lent?

God of Comfort

³ Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, ⁴ who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. ⁵ For as we share abundantly in Christ's sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too. ⁶ If we are afflicted, it is for your comfort and salvation; and if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which you experience when you patiently endure the same sufferings that we suffer. ⁷ Our hope for you is unshaken, for we know that as you share in our sufferings, you will also share in our comfort.

⁸ For we do not want you to be unaware, brothers, of the affliction we experienced in Asia. For we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself. ⁹ Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselvesbut on God who raises the dead. ¹⁰ He delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will deliver us again.¹¹ You also must help us by prayer, so that many will give thanks on our behalf for the blessing granted us through the prayers of many.

2 corinthians 1:3-11

Do you ever get that feeling when you feel disgusting, like a monster? When you've indulged in sin, you turned away from God and you've been engulfed by guilt? That feeling, that you're retched, scarred, and just unworthy? That feeling comes up a lot. When we sin, we've failed against God, and like Adam and Eve, we tend to run away after realizing how filthy we are, we try to hide from God.

I felt like that today.

But then when i started to read the devo, this was the scripture reading for the day, and it calmed my heart. God will comfort us in everything, in times of trial, suffering, and pain. And it is for us to be able to spread and spill that comfort into others. I've felt that this week. I've recently made a new friend, or i guess you could say gotten closer to a friend, and i've also felt that i could be more transparent and vulnerable with others lately. Of course i have deeper struggles with whom i share with others, but i've been able to just talk to people about my struggles more. It feels good sometimes, because we're able to help each other out. Sometimes if you take the risk (if you're comfortable) and share with others, you'll never know the response you'll get. For instance, i shared with this friend about university, about a friend who's possibly wasted 7 years of my life (as bad as that sounds), and i was surprised to hear what he had to say, but it was most definitely comforting.

But also reading all this, and reflecting on all this, i was constantly reminded of God's love. Its deeper than the sea, wider than the universe, and its never failing, and everlasting. No matter what you've done to him, run away, stabbed him in the back, fall short of his glory, he still loves you unconditionally. Its amazing to really take that in, and you really will not find anyone else on this earth that can satisfy that, and be that person for you, because its humanly impossible.

God comforts you, share that comfort with others.

7 The Lord is good,
a stronghold in the day of trouble;

nahum 1:7